Great for a first story, creative and interesting! Ryan does have hints of an interesting personality and I'm exited to read the sequel!😍😀 I will just nick-pick that starting when John enters the room, there starts to be lacking Capital letters for the "I" and the beginning of phrases and the " become 《》at time. A bit distracting.

Very hot story, I do think it would have been better if you didn't spoil that it was the dad who he was cheating with in the description though.

So sexy and well-written!!! 😍

Hot

Wow! As one of a lot of people who loves the design of that dragon creature, you tapped into something really hot

**(Wow)** i rarely read stories in 1st person as 3rd person stories are easier for me to read & immersion. love how the main character [Everett] went from being a straight guy with a girlfriend to man loving cock sucking slut! it's so fucking hot...young, dumb & full of cum!!! p.s: **_(this message was written out on 12/11/23)_**

This was a great read! Love myself some big muscle dads getting controlled and played with. I can't wait to see what's next. The way this was written was so erotic and sexy,I loved all of it.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

This one has more horny bits. Both Kane's gym encounter with the DBs and Master reminding Dusk who he belongs to and who's in charge are hot. I really love getting to see inside Dusk's head here and in the last chapter. I think these are the first times we've gotten to do that, and Dusk is one of the most fascinating characters. The differences between his POV in the two chapters is illuminating. In Chapter 8, he was still pretty much his own man, with his conversion to Master's drone just beginning by the end of the sequence. Here he is the fully realized drone. Seeing how thoroughly Master's ownership is now ingrained in his psyche is a huge turn on, at least for me. I'm looking forward to seeing what the consequences of Kane now being Master's undercover supe will be and how that plays out. And will Kane retain that status, or will he eventually become a full superdrone? There wasn't much progress on the Jamie front in this one, and I'm not sure what the purpose of having him lift massive weights is. Since Master more or less knows the extent of his powers, I can only surmise that it's an exercise in deepening his obedience and Master's control. Onyx's speculation on the origin of his power block is very interesting. I'm guessing he's right that it's Mentat's and/or Dauntless's doing, but why? Is it them doing what Dusk believes and keeping a potential rival down? Is the whole Tribunal aware of it? But if Mentat is behind it, why is he at all willing to risk Jamie becoming one of Master's drones? Onyx getting caught in his own trap is hilarious. It's a great bit of comic relief. So are the twins. Dusk's dislike of Onyx is a bit disappointing, since I like them both a lot as characters. But it does point to the fact that notwithstanding their ties through the Network, Master's control, and their common purpose, the higher function/higher level drones retain a substantial degree of their humanity, to the point of developing underlying antagonisms and rivalries. There was a hint of that between DS-005 and DS-011 in Chapter 4, and here we see it explicitly between Onyx and Dusk. I'm eagerly anticipating whatever comes next.

Love the alternate ending. Look forward to the next part!