Recent Comments

8/29/23, 5:17 AM
You're very good at describing the psychological effects of the app in flowery poetic language. However, for me that technique lost its impact when _every_ part of the story was told using this same flowery language, even the rare bits of dialogue between Matt and Alex. I'd love to see you experimenting with different registers; a few more prosaic descriptions of Matt and Alex's original personalities would make their transformations into app-induced bliss seem more special.

8/29/23, 1:42 PM
@[Hypnothrill](/user/show/37386) I completely agree with you. I had the same thoughts as well

8/30/23, 7:18 AM
@[Hypnothrill](/user/show/37386) It's not my native language so I rely at times on similar patterns, I agree. Could you give me an indication of what could be better ?

8/30/23, 11:09 PM
@[Rubberizer92](/user/show/1146099) I echo Hypnothrill’s reply: the language is very elevated and flowery, and it makes it hard to read because all of the ornate descriptions flow together. Here’s a particular example: “Each inaudible sound that emanated from the app seemed to weave itself into his desires, a constant reminder of his connection to the symphony.” The exact opposite would probably be something like “The whispers made him horny.” :p But there’s a middle ground…let’s see…how about: “Each inaudible sound that came from the app seemed to make him more aroused, which in turn made his connection to the Voice even stronger.” It captures what’s happening, but it removes the super-poetic language (my writing professors called it “thesaurus language” because it felt like you looked up synonyms for words). I hope that helps! :)
8/30/23, 7:40 PM
Very fun and hot!
8/30/23, 7:23 PM
Bentornato e grazie per i nuovi capitoli! Questa puntata, se posso chiamarla così, ha funzionato benissimo come passaggio verso la conclusione drammatica della serie. Mi è piaciuto molto la sensazione di esserci con Sam sotto il letto, incerto quando e come a scappare via dalla casa di Jacob. Il fatto che Nico sognava del simbolo mu preannuncia qualcosa di interessante!
8/30/23, 7:15 PM
That was fast, thank you for the update, I wonder in what the last two woll he turned into
8/16/23, 8:11 AM
Love seeing an Outlands story here. Well done! An intriguing ending with a mystery to solve. Dangerous to go out there. Sure hope they know what they're doing. What is the Brother's Brigade?

8/30/23, 6:22 PM
I guess we're going to have to find out when Andre joins, won't we?
Anonymous
8/30/23, 5:36 PM
This was very hot I kinda hope for a part 2
Anonymous
8/30/23, 5:13 PM
Great opening! Really interested to see what you’ve got planned next :)
8/30/23, 5:05 PM
i love this. I am very very interested in israeli men. THey are so incredibly handsome and sexy.
Anonymous
8/30/23, 3:56 PM
Excellent!!
8/30/23, 3:41 PM
Nice happy ending!