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Nov 5, 2021
James
6/17/23, 8:18 PM
All I gotta say is Fuck Me🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪
Jun 13, 2023
6/15/23, 3:42 PM
Yo. OK, so Yeah. Congrats mate that was an extremely fun read (so far; I assume I've just gotten up to date, and there's more to come) **Con #1** There are grammatical errors and tell-tale signs you're new to this and learning quickly. It mightn't be any harm "picking a week" and reading over your older chapters and... licking the dusty bits up to a fresh latex shine. Or, say if you're thinking of making a book out of this, get an editor on board when you do, as a second line of technical expertise. **Con #2** Latex / Droning isn't even my kink (personal con, not *your* problem, obviously I didn't downrate it 'casue of this. in fact, back handed bonus cause it means the rest of it; characters; story; etc, had enough to make me read and rate) **Con#3** Watch out for repetitive language slowing down the reading pace (for no good reason), it feels like some paragraphs are written as they are because you didn't re-read them, or you published "one draft too soon." Maybe when you finish, wait a day, then read the entire thing in one sitting, edit, then go. Or if you already do this, do this process an additional time. (and I would know about this, I am probably the most error-prone writer on this site) **Pro #1** I mean... look at all the shinies badges. this stuff is gold dust. It's like the "perfect" latex/drone-X-Superhero series. you did it; this exists now. All these characters are vivid and alive and doing their thing. **Pro #2** I didn't know it was possible for something to be this fun, but this kinky, but this silly, but this serious. As a lore, it's up there with proper anime. It's a full lil' world with characters of your creation. It achieves the same silly/serious farcical/high-stakes that anime shows do. **Pro #3** I truly do not know how this will end (your storytelling isn't trite or predictable). It's so much nicer to read/watch/listen to stories that don't use narrative idioms and tired setups. I dunno. yeah. It's just a happy series; your joy for it beams through in a way that makes the rough bits irrelevant; It's silly and passionately-conceived and interesting. It's the real deal; It's not just writing for the sake of writing. It's also perfect for the site. Love and Peace. Spiders.
Anonymous
6/16/23, 1:10 AM
@[The Dirty Spiders](/user/show/571676) Ig so to ask, if you had to pick a “side”, which one would you pick? I’m still a bit fearful about drones and how Master works, but the league… Sheesh…
6/16/23, 3:45 AM
@Anonymous Oh the good guys; I'm extremely 'good aligned'. For me (like as a reader, I'm not putting on my writer hat here) what'd need to happen is The Master is stopped by the League and also the League is reformed and washed of corruption. But then what about the King of Beasts and such (the murders and criminals he's droned) The Master is—in that regard—making "two wrongs a right". I'm sure the would-be murderers and criminals are having more fun being drones, than being in prison, and by all accounts, it's a safer and more assuring cage for them. I like this story a lot cause it *really* looks like the League cannot win. They just don't have anyone able for it, and besides they're clearly corrupted as well, but corrupted in a way that has analogs to real life. We gotta find out what the 'Cerberus' business is, and we gotta find out if the good guys... really... have _anything_ that might work.
6/16/23, 4:39 PM
@[The Dirty Spiders](/user/show/571676) On your earlier comments on editing, I think this installment was so long in the writing that @NeonDemon just wanted to get it published ASAP. As for this comment, I'm definitely on Master's side. He offers such happiness and peace to his drones. What would happen to them if the corrupt bastards at the League were to win?
6/16/23, 7:29 PM
@[copsboy64](/user/show/910425) > On your earlier comments on editing, I think this installment was so long in the writing that @NeonDemon just wanted to get it published ASAP Yes, absolutely. These kinds of things are part and parcel of the task. > As for this comment, I’m definitely on Master’s side. He offers such happiness and peace to his drones. What would happen to them if the corrupt bastards at the League were to win? I'm very 'good' aligned. Like what the Master is doing is still immoral. He's "the Borg" basically. The "good" ending for this would be Master stopped and League reformed. No idea how that might happen though. I'm kinda hoping the whole story crashes into an impasse of morality triage, and if it does, I can't wait to read it.
6/16/23, 11:20 PM
@[The Dirty Spiders](/user/show/571676) In this instance the so-called supervillain is no worse than the alleged heroes. Maybe actually better. But, yes, Master has a real moral issue when you consider his lack of concern for the concept of consent. And a lot of his business activities are clearly illegal. But this is fiction, and as usual, the villain is a much more compelling character than the heroes. He's also a lot more fun, and in some ways actually nicer. So just like I can fantasize and get off on the idea of being in situations I would never want to experience in real life, I can root for a fictional villain. I can imagine resolutions where we end up with a reformed League and the Network goes on as a truly consensual organization full of happy and law abiding drones, and I'd be OK with that, but I wouldn't find that ending quite as satisfying as one where the "heroes" of the League are all wrapped in latex kneeling at Master's feet.
6/17/23, 3:48 AM
@[copsboy64](/user/show/910425) i think my view could go even further: the league has a lot of horribly toxic politics (the way they treat jamie oml. . .), and if we trust what Dusk said about how he was driven away from the league, then i'm not surprised if a lot of the mistreated heroes just defect into Master's warm comforting latex embrace. ultimately i think Neon could really delve deep into the philosophical "righteousness" of the 2 forces; but right now, i think im going to tentatively side with Master. not just because i love warm latex cuddles, but also because "the greater good" concerns me with how much that term has been used to cover up intense atrocities and suffering (especially since im gonna be honest the league has demonstrated some *not* good actions as well. . .)
6/17/23, 6:15 AM
I had one (unpublished, it was from around the time I use to heavily RP, and I used a lot of the characters from it, but never drafted a version of it for release), Where an extraterrestrial alien energy was talking over the minds of (possessing) 10's then 100's then 1000's of men and suddenly and immediately wanted to use them for sex. It was stopped by... let's say a hero, but he's my lore's version of "the Master" except he's a straight-down-the-middle good guy, anyways, he bargained with the entity (tricked him really) into creating him a flesh body in exchange for giving up control of the 100000's of possessed people. The entity's desire for sex was magically/artificially spiked to all hell _by_ the hero at the time of bargaining until it couldn't think straight and begged to be stripped powerless and put into a biological body. The resulting character was just this, silly middle-aged bear who just... loves sex, loves being naked, loves hugs and has a really, non-cynical view of everything and just loves existing. I've had such fun reading Neons' stuff—especially the Prologue in fact—that I've re-considered the work it would take (and the dozens of characters I'd need to workshop) to actually get it out.
6/17/23, 7:56 PM
@[temporaryhotsaucetofu](/user/show/10034005) I have to say that if @NeonDemon had written the League as just straight up good guys, rooting for Master would be a lot less defensible. However, the League's members would have been a lot less interesting, and the story much less absorbing to read. The fact that both sides are in that moral gray zone gives the story so much of its complexity and helps engage us as readers. It also helps avoid tired tropes and clichés.
6/17/23, 7:59 PM
@[The Dirty Spiders](/user/show/571676) The Prologue is still the horniest part of the story, though the dream sequence at the beginning of Chapter 6 is very close. The interaction between Horizon and Jamie in Chapter 3 is up there too, as is Dylan's conversion in the Interlude.
Nov 5, 2021
James
6/17/23, 7:40 PM
Just finished Eden Academy, found this and decided to give a read because of Sammy. I'm assuming this is a prequel to Eden. Great Story so far, no disappointment.
6/17/23, 7:41 PM
@[James](/user/show/10038078) That’s where Sammy comes from
Jun 17, 2023
6/17/23, 7:24 PM
I love the idea and it's really well-written for a first story! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
6/17/23, 7:27 PM
@[BobbyBlobfish](/user/show/700733) Thank you!
Jun 17, 2023
6/17/23, 6:50 PM
Very hot. Would love the changes to be slower though with more detail.
6/17/23, 7:26 PM
@[Leoscurse](/user/show/1219438) I'll be sure to add some detail to the changes in the next chapter!
Sep 6, 2020
6/17/23, 7:13 PM
I live to serve the Virus
Sep 6, 2020
6/17/23, 6:43 PM
I live to serve the virus.
Jun 16, 2023
6/17/23, 1:00 AM
More like your real training starts now.
6/17/23, 6:28 PM
@[Marik29](/user/show/10021139) Damn straight!
Jun 16, 2023
6/16/23, 2:53 PM
Great chapter but there is still a part of Matt that has feelings for Jake & Jake in turn has those same feeling. I guess the trick is for the two to accept that Matt is the trainer & Jake the trainee. One other thing , these two are connected & should not be divided, they must stay together as a pair what ever future they have. Of course this is your story to do as you please, but I hope you take it my way!
6/17/23, 6:27 PM
@[br6205](/user/show/10027864) All I can say is enjoy the sweet, sweet ride😈
Jun 15, 2023
James
6/17/23, 5:28 PM
I tell you I was reading this on Demon, of course there was only 4 chapters there. I was thinking he gave up on this story. Then one day I found a post for Jack Parker and Eden Academy. Let me say it turned out to be a excellent day when I found this site. Thank-You for Sammy and when you're done with him cause my ass needs his attention. Great Story.
6/17/23, 5:31 PM
@[James](/user/show/10038078) Yeah not a lot of comments and feedback on Demon so I stopped trying lol