Recent Comments

1/9/23, 7:05 AM
Great stories! I'd definitely love to see that "Pied Piper" story expanded into a full-length.
S
1/9/23, 5:10 AM
You kind of cheaped out on the end of the story. You stayed tight in the viewpoint of Rufus up through the start of his brainwashing, and had events play out through his eys, but then you just switched to rapid-fire exposition for the entire final three paragraphs. Each of those paragraphs is a page of events if you let them properly play out as drama. You robbed your readers of the payoff of your good opening. When you're revising, bonus points if you can refine the opening three paragraphs to start off as dialog -- let us discover that Rufus is a lawyer by opening with him in court, finalizing some argument, or shaking hands with a satisfied client who just got off of charges. Maybe give him a co-lawyer from his firm, one of those former hotshots that Rufus broke earlier -- let us see that hotshot struggle to remember some basic point of law, and give us Rufus' internal monologue enjoying the struggle. The tighter you stay inside Rufus' head, the better this story will be.
Willie Cici
1/9/23, 3:51 AM
I loved it. It was dark, but hot. Great writing, too. A good example of writing and editing. It shows. Keep it up.
1/9/23, 3:00 AM
Even Al fell, really curious to see the next part.
1/9/23, 2:58 AM
I think you've touched on the repressed feelings of a straight homophobe but also the fears of same sex parents hoping (and challenged) to adopt. Awesome sensitivity and reflection. I'm not at all into the diaper scene but you've created such an empathetic environment that I've connected with all three characters. Good on you.
1/9/23, 2:25 AM
Really enjoying the drama and depth you’ve created here. Chapters can’t come fast enough.
1/9/23, 1:49 AM
Thanks everyone for the kind words! Was very curious how people would receive this! It was supposed to be a very different story originally and kind of came out in a mad rush - so, point taken about there maybe being a bit more room for build, but I don't think it would've been at all like this if I hadn't written it in one sitting. Thanks again for reading, and the kind replies!
1/9/23, 1:40 AM
A really good starting chapter. Can't wait to read the next
1/9/23, 1:05 AM
totaly agree slsveboy jg
1/8/23, 5:21 PM
Doing great keep it going till next Christmas

1/8/23, 10:02 PM
@[Masters toy](/user/show/10022805) That's the plan

1/8/23, 11:52 PM
@[nerdysuitedbaby](/user/show/164769) Yes nice one put him in little boots and a bib