Recent Comments

Gear_dm
11/2/22, 4:03 AM
Nice so far :) kinda curious what happens to Brandon and Scott...
11/2/22, 1:37 AM
I love a good atmospheric story, and this was atmospheric as _hell_. Really great stuff, particularly when the party and ritual began. If you publish a sequel I’m absolutely here for it to see what Havoc has in mind, and to learn more about Holden and what makes him tick. I feel like we just scratched the surface of his personality and I want more!

11/2/22, 3:35 AM
@[Noam de Pluma](/user/show/1403470) I'm really grateful for your thoughts! I am definitely planning for a sequel when Time allows (I'm such a taskmaster). I'm glad you appreciated the party and the ritual in particular! I tried to earn that.
Cuddle-switch
11/2/22, 12:46 AM
Another playfully written, pants-tightening ride from Time! How you cut and arranged the scenes really gave the impression of how confounding Holden must have been feeling, and in general you seem to have had a lot of fun play with our sense of, well, time. I loved how you seamlessly bring up information from the past. Particularly when Havoc skims those memories. What a great way to reveal info while still making sure it feels natural and fluid. Mysterious and sexy from the start the evolving sense of eeriness and need kept me intrigued and invested in Holden's difficult position. Even in the end when I thought I had everything figured out you still managed to throw in interesting details and draw me in deeper. And the writing itself! I loved the way you still were able to give a strong impression of who Evermore using so little dialogue and detail. It was very effective. And one of my favourite parts of this story is the chants. They were clever, and honestly they just sounded legit. I could imagine the chanting in my head as I went along. I could go on and on, but suffice to say I loved it. Thanks for yet another delightful and horny read!

11/2/22, 3:33 AM
@[Cuddle-switch](/user/show/10019969) I am so grateful for your support in the writing process and for you picking out your favourite highlights! I was definitely experimenting with jump cuts and lean storytelling for this one, since I usually have trouble writing anything short. Thanks so much!
11/2/22, 12:34 AM
I really liked this story. I found the beginning dragged out a little bit too much, but you got me hooked once the ceremony started. That part really glued me to my seat as I wanted to know whether Holden's preparations paid off. And what these preparations even were. The flashbacks to Holden's preparations worked, you managed to make it clear this happened before, but I find it good practise to make it as foolproof as possible that it happened in the past. Again, you made it work, but I did reread a paragraph just to double check that I was right in assuming it was a flashback. When Holden and Havoc were talking in his head at the same time it was difficult to follow who was talking. I got the gist after a while, but I wish the mental dialog was treated like proper dialog. For this very reason I often intersperse actions or thoughts of a person during dialog to let the reader know who is talking while avoiding the "he said she said" ugliness. Wish that had been done here as well. If you let me nerd out for a moment: The real life refernces are a double edged sword. Personally I try to keep it to a minimum or avoid it entirely, but I realize it's a matter of personal preference. _However_, the tome is older than the binomial name Ferula drudeana. Ancient texts wouldn't have called it that, and since you stayed true to the real world, it is not proven to be Silphium either. An extremely minor nitpick, I know, but still. One more thing, I found the end a bit disappointing. I did not expect a cliffhanger. The way I see it no arc has been concluded, not Havoc's and Holden's, not Evermore's and not the order's existence. While the story did end in a different place from where it started it did not resolve anything. All in all, this was a very enjoyable read (despite a slow start) and I am looking forward to part 2. (You gotta.)

11/2/22, 3:31 AM
@[Cockatrice](/user/show/620105) Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad that there were parts of the story that you enjoyed. I appreciate your perspectives on pacing, flashbacks, and dialogue, but personally disagree and trust the reader with the signposts that are there. From one nerd to another: I actually already knew all about binomial nomenclature, the different opinions around whether Ferula drudeana is Silphium, and so on. I decided that in my fictional little world, Ferula drudeana *is* Silphium, that it has been called Ferula drudeana for a long time, and that this Chaos Demon hated it and tried to destroy it. It made for a more interesting story to me and allowed me to play with the meaning of the Latin. So, this was a deliberate choice. To me, the arc of this story was the question of whether or not Holden would become possessed by Havoc. I am definitely planning for a sequel, but still told the story that I wanted to tell here. Thanks again -- it's so great to hear your thoughts. I'll be working on that sequel~! <3
Anonymous
11/2/22, 1:38 AM
Waaaay too dark, one sided and opportunistic. I'm hoping you have a "table turning" or some redemption or equalizer in store

11/2/22, 3:24 AM
It’s the 3rd part of many. He will get what’s coming to him don’t you worry ;)
11/2/22, 2:55 AM
THANK YOU, Darby!! Appreciate your comments & encouragement!! I am humbled to deliver a storyline that you & the other readers/group members can/will ENJOY!! Believe me, I've got MORE in store for SUPERMAN!!:wink:
11/2/22, 2:43 AM
Great Work!!! I Want More!!!
11/2/22, 2:13 AM
Very Interesting and very excited for this!
Nov 16, 2005
Anonymous
11/2/22, 12:56 AM
Excellent story mmade me so yearning for sex!
Dylan
11/2/22, 12:41 AM
I am sure you might also find chapters 23 and 24 interesting, as parts of a trilogy. How do you like the picture story approach?