Best damned first chapter i 've read on this site. It's so frucking good it cries out for many, many succeeding installments. .Two VERY minor English -teacner critiques: 1. You need to individualize.each character. When the most prominent way of xharacter development is either the narràtor stating what the xharacter is thinking, doing, saying, feeling, OR your quotations are not individualized to the point that the reader can tell immediately who is speaking just by attending to the voice in his mind reading the quoted speech on the page. Most often, attribution phrases ("said Georges.""Larry exclaimed." should beouldé bé redundant or even superfluous. Everyone haa his own mini-dialect of English, andi each of your xharacters should have one, too. The way any xharacter makes a statement or response will vary depending on his knowledge of his environment at that point in the plot; his emotional and intellectual stance regarding what hé wants to say--and what hé wants to avoid saying. Each character is--must be!-- unique. Every time a character speaks, there's pretty much only one way he's likely to say what hé wants to say The author should know his characters far better than the reader every will. And early on, the author should think and ruminate on how each character would react or5 reply to various stimuli and challenges in the story as it unfolds. Avoid exposition and summary. Don't tell. Show, demonstrate, reveal. Quotations are really good ways to show, demonstrate, reveal but quotations should be reasonably unbland. Quotations that.merely describe the latest plot device are useless, or even pernicious. Far better is a quote that reveals feelings, or demonstrates why something has or haa bit happened, or shows (for example) why Jocko, the shemale foot fertishist podiatrist has run off to join the circus. After all, as was elliptically alluded to in the early parts of the first chapter, those of us who KNEW Jocko, REALLY knew Jocko, figured there was some reason why hé was always telling dirty jokes about aerialists and pregnant camels. (Question: How do you get a three-hump camel? Answer: Get a two-hump camel pregnant. How you go about is up to you. AHAHAHAHAHA! Belch!!!) Actually, Jocko was telling us all we needed to know about his kinka and his possible future plans. Merciful Heavens! It were just like the disciples and Jesus. The disciples didn't understand the parables until after the Resuscitation. We're gonna have to study on this one with Brother Phil come next Wednesday night. TTFN, Lohengrin

This is a really fun story with lots of potential. I would offer two suggestions: Slow it down and give a wee more detail about the changes and emotions. I (personally) Love cigars, I love the slow pace and easy feeling associated with them and love it when a story paces the event.:Smoke, Conversation and Conversion all at a liesurly rate. The second: lose 20 of the "Seams"... and it's actually "Seems." Otherwise I really like this. I even have my favourite smoke shop in Texas in mind as I imagine the scene. Good on you!

I love the idea of a gay sailor moon ripoff. Very nicely written too! Are we going to see more magical boys in the future? I hope there will be many more chapters.

One of the best stories I read in a long time. Thank you so much for sharing it with us! As bdsm related DomTop it sounds so good for me!

Very creative! And you definitely have several ways to go about this moving forward. Will Steve use Joroen to become more and more physical as they continue their master/slave dynamic? Will Steve use Joroen as a conduit to communicate with Phil? Will Phil and Joroen develop a relationship? A potential three way? Will Joroen stay in his rubber? Or even be ordered to be kept in it if he continues with this slave dynamic? Maybe a mix of the above? I'm eager for what you show in the next chapter!

oh my god, so hot and so classic that i keep coming back time and time again! part 2 please!!

Love this story. Please add more

This ticks off just about all the boxes that I love. I'm a fan, and can't wait to see what you do next! Thank you for sharing, it was most enjoyable. Really good first story too.

Fun start with the old man taking control of the young stud. Looking forward to seeing what humiliating (and helplessly arousing) plans he has in store for Mike.

Oh I hope Sammy and Luke end up together