Recent Comments

Anonymous
5/24/22, 10:43 AM
It didn't bother me particularly, but I think I can see why it might be troubling. _Obviously_ the rape is worse; but relative morality doesn't drive whether people like a character, *understanding* does. We know very clearly _why_ AppleJack did what he did, and so does Red. I wonder if you established a few more hints of why the team needs to be fully functioning first (why the herd needs to be a herd, not a group of individuals) maybe Cav's actions at this point would feel more motivated by necessity and less like a power trip. At the moment, you jump straight from Red trying to explain why Cav can't really understand AppleJack's point of view to Cav doing exactly what he was going to do anyway, with only unseen-famous-person-cameo-sex in between -- as a juxtaposition, it's less than sympathetic, and makes it seem like Cav didn't _listen_. If sex-with-a-movie-star got postponed due to the first whisper of a threat to the herd, the urgency of getting the herd on the same page and functioning together could drive the choice, instead of somewhat one-sided "respect".

5/24/22, 11:04 AM
@ That's a really valid point and I appreciate you writing it. I haven't talked about the necessity of the herd yet because they themselves don't know why they're back. We will get significantly more of this in Chap 10. But I see how it comes off as a Cav power trip.
Iriefali
5/24/22, 10:21 AM
I kind of wish for part 2 🙏🙏🙏 I have an original orange stone that you write about, so you have to write it now😉
5/24/22, 1:13 AM
I agree that the rape was reprehensible and punishable but the story rather redeems Applejack. I do like that Pholus questions his own necessity. I think he needs a confrontation with Cav if he's to remain the boss and accountable only to Chiron. You're weaving an incredible story and I love what you're doing!!

5/24/22, 10:04 AM
@Stroppy Author Red does forgive AppleJack, but AppleJack “sees the light” by whatever happened between him and Cav in the Magic Realm. (Interestingly, when writing this chapter, I started to regret being in first person. It limited what we could see to Red’s perceptions, especially in the Battle Sequences. In the 2nd book, I open up narration and use a 3rd person omniscient— it works so much better.) By the end of Book Two, we have a fully functioning team where everyone knows his place — it takes a while to iron all this out.
5/24/22, 7:45 AM
curious about the follow-up
Chase
5/24/22, 5:46 AM
So hot!!! Thank you!!!! So glad you started with the youngest and most vulnerable! Hope their corrupted the worst and get into piss and maybe scat. Love it.
Evan
5/24/22, 5:36 AM
Love this idea.
Dec 20, 2021
Ben
5/24/22, 5:28 AM
Still one of my favorites, would love to see more from this idea ;3
boi98229
5/24/22, 5:27 AM
Very original, a little weird in the nicest sort of way, and extremely hot! Thanks so much!
Evan
5/24/22, 5:06 AM
What a great start! I am really liking this, very turned on that he went undercover and has just clearly doomed himself to become what he was trying to save his friend from.
Feb 23, 2014
5/24/22, 4:51 AM
yes again you did good i will dream about this