Recent Comments

5/12/22, 5:59 AM
Would love to see someone claim Dibs on Jason Mamoa
May 11, 2022
5/11/22, 8:07 AM
I second @Hypnothrill on the ending--it was a surprisingly sad twist. I'm so used to actual reality warping in your stories, Mr. Cici, that I did not expect the "all just a dream" trope. It works well, but there's a definite melancholy to it, especially because we only see the "new" Trey right before he's restored to his old world. Well done...

Willie Cici
5/12/22, 2:35 AM
When I was in school, I read a short story by Ambrose Bierce, "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge". That story was the inspiration for this story, and some other that I have written that use this ending.

5/12/22, 5:48 AM
@Willie Cici Ooh, I know that story. It's a famous one. It, too, has a heartbreaking ending.
5/11/22, 8:54 PM
Time, this is absolutely unreasonably _pretty_, and I found myself drawn inexorably through the story by the writing. I’ve half a mind to continue reading—though I’m busy, so I don’t know—there’s so much here I look forward to unpacking. You did marvellously.

5/12/22, 3:08 AM
@Soren Fitz Ahh, thank you so much! I'm glad you felt drawn in -- I hope you do decide to continue, when time allows. There are some parts with hypnosis you may want to skip (that's fine so long as you have the context around them), but I think there's a lot more that you would probably enjoy between Sawyer and Lock.
Anonymous
5/12/22, 2:32 AM
Incredible!!!!
5/12/22, 1:48 AM
Realmente original, disfrute la premisa.
5/12/22, 1:28 AM
As always, you've done an amazing job. Love this chapater, and the love between each brother is as palpable as always. Can't wait for the next part.
Anonymous
5/12/22, 12:24 AM
Wow, I don't usually read stories like this, but this was so thrilling! Really enjoyed it
5/11/22, 11:58 PM
Grand Finale *Applause*
5/9/22, 10:22 AM
I love the premise of this story, but the mode of narration doesn't do much for me. I know I say this a lot, but this is the kind of story that would work better if told from the victim's perspective. The main reason is that then we'd get some dramatic conflict; right now, everything is going way too easily for the narrator; he describes his plan in great detail, and it seems to be going off without a hitch. In fact, because the men he's brainwashing are so passive, it sometimes feels like he's monologuing in front of two mannequins. I feel like the best thing you could do for the next chapter would be to switch to a new narrator--perhaps a server who skipped the first couple of days of (re)orientation and is coming back to a very new bar, one that initially confuses and even frightens him.

EntrancedGay92
5/9/22, 11:44 PM
@Hypnothrill thanks for your helpful insight, as always. I have to admit I had lost interest in this series for a while, so I know that comes across in this chapter. I'd sat on this for a good two years editing bits and pieces. I finally decided to just put it out here.

5/10/22, 3:53 AM
@EntrancedGay92 I've definitely had that experience before, working on a story just to finish it, even when I'm not really into it anymore. But I do think that all the set-up is great, and there are a lot of fun ways you can take the story from here, but it would work a lot better if you don't insist on having the MC narrate every chapter.

5/11/22, 10:43 PM
@EntrancedGay92 im actually very excited for this series and how it will move forward! I hope you will continue it :)
5/11/22, 10:12 PM
God you are such an amazing writer. Brilliant chapter!!