Recent Comments

4/16/22, 11:30 AM
Definitely continue - The possibilities for humiliation in public and amongst all his 'friends' is enormous - also the scope for further transformation and enslavement of these friends is wide.

Rubber_Lover14
4/17/22, 2:48 AM
@SPLRUB thanks for the comment! Seeing how many people seem to have enjoyed it, I might begin a second part some time in the future, after the next part of _A Jocks Karma_
4/17/22, 1:08 AM
I will comment on some good parts and some areas that could be improved. The good: The premise is interesting and compelling. The kinky, domineering benefactor who wants to improve the body of the main character while also taking pleasure in the discomfort and humiliation that he causes is hot. Hottest part of the story. The means of exerting control, by playing on the precarity of the main characters financial situation adds a touch of realism to a premise that would otherwise be strictly fantasy. Controlling the main character by limiting his clothing only to the somewhat kinky and fetishy sportsgear is nice. Very hot. The areas that should be improved: While controlling the main character through clothing is interesting and hot, too much time spent counting singlets or worrying about footwear choices detracts from the story. The idea is hot, the actual execution of how the main character thinks about how he will manage it is not very hot and should be shortened. The reader will figure it out without too much insight into the main character's thought-process here. Masturbation! The only sex so far in the story has been masturbation but it barely received a sentence when it happened. Consider trying to flesh out the main characters horny thoughts, desperation, and describing his moments of release. This is an erotic story after all.
4/17/22, 12:37 AM
I really enjoy all your stories. Thanks so much for sharing them. It was the title to this one that made me do a double take. Shakespears Sister? Or is that just me showing my age...

4/17/22, 12:39 AM
@BadWolf I think so, someone used it in their presentation in class and I became obsessed with the phrase lol
4/17/22, 12:37 AM
I felt like this was a great hook for a story. It's just a prelude and I wasn't expecting much to happen, but it was interesting enough that I'm about to click the "next" button so I think you achieved what you wanted to with this. As for the language, I think you're doing just fine. Yes, it's pretty clear this is not your native language and there is both minor word choice and syntax errors but nothing that made it impossible to follow the action of the story. All you can do is continue to try and improve, there's no easy way to do it.
4/17/22, 12:29 AM
Oh my gosh you have the best ideas! Zidayne is soo hot with that tail and genderbent princesses is way more interesting! Cant wait to see what mechanism you use for genderbending kairi and the others too! I love this story, kaa and jafar were always my fave disney villains.
4/16/22, 10:24 PM
Nice fun and dirty little story! :wink:

4/16/22, 10:55 PM
@tomozco šŸ˜‰
4/16/22, 11:45 AM
I love this story. It pulls me back, again and again. I hope that more chapters reveal themselves and glorify the spread of beautiful submission and sacrifice. Lot, such a faithful servant, finding and gathering up offering after offering awaiting his turn to be lured and eventually be an offering - freighting and inevitable. Vance, others and myself are awaiting the revealing of HIS plans. Please

4/16/22, 9:38 PM
Thanks @Gothampig! I don't have plans for any more chapters, this was sort of a one-off I wrote when I walked by a church in my neighbourhood and my imagination started firing. I expect HE will be set free once enough men are offered to him, and HE will go forth into the world where men can't help but fall to their knees as they see HIM.
4/16/22, 9:13 PM
This was hot! And a good way to lay the groundwork for the next chapter too. I wonder if Tim will be affected by feeling Donnie's pheromones through Conner's eyes. I don't want to assume it's going that route, but it would be hot if it did. Also, I love comics Dubbilex, so it's nice to see him again.
4/16/22, 7:26 AM
i'd like to see aladdin and hercules before we branch away from characters that could feasibly be a part of the KH multiverse. maybe a few disney princes? ... even if those guys are about as interesting as plain, unbuttered, untoasted bread... maybe not? but before we flex into the wider multiverse, I still would like to see Final Fantasy Characters like Leon and Titus etc along with some of the fun disney guys.

SlutForHypno
4/16/22, 8:56 PM
@Mind Labyrinth well I guess I can do Hercules/Aladdin after Kairi. And only because I already committed to Kairi. haha As for the others...how about genderbent disney princesses? If not, just get me a list of which princes you think are hottest and ill run with that, otherwise ill just make shit up and just turn Simba human or some shit haha. For FF characters and how does the likes of Titus and Zidayne sound? I played both their games actually so I can work better with them
4/16/22, 8:52 PM
HOT