Recent Comments

2/2/22, 1:15 AM
loved it!
Evan
2/1/22, 10:57 PM
A fun concept and a sneaky way to get the change started with the pillowcase. I'd recommend some formatting to make your story friendlier to the reader. A large paragraph to start can be daunting. Also, look at the structure of dialogue in narrative writing. Whenever you switch speakers, make a new paragraph. The same block of text should not have two people saying words. This makes it clear the speaker has changed so the reader can follow. It also helps pacing slightly with not everything feeling like it's happening at once. A good resource: https://www.ursinus.edu/live/files/1158-formatting-dialogue Mainly the "Changing Paragraphs" section. But it is all helpful. Keep writing! I look forward to your next chapter.
2/1/22, 9:44 PM
As someone who's been hypnotizing himself slowly over months to become a dumb cocky redneck jock, I really appreciate the slow burn detail, and how he can't smell the musk through his pillow but it affects him anyway. Reminds me of how sometimes a flash of hypnosis will just flash through my brain and be gone before I can recognize it. Hot!!!
Anonymous
2/1/22, 9:25 PM
Off to a good start so far, the concept is a hot one. Can't wait to see what's coming next!
Zac
2/1/22, 9:02 PM
Damn, this made me hard. Looking forward to the next chapter!
2/1/22, 6:24 PM
This is a nice setup for sure! Looking forward to the next part. Just one thing, you seemed to have repeated quite a few times the same part, e.g. "Alright dude I’m gonna go shower and maybe grab some food. You want anything?ā€

2/1/22, 6:36 PM
@Rroot aha thanks! And damn. I didn't catch that it was like 3 am lol

2/1/22, 8:47 PM
@Maxisbored no worries man! Just keep going, this is off to a great start!
2/1/22, 7:56 PM
Really enjoying this. šŸ˜›šŸ˜›
2/1/22, 6:30 PM
Great start, I can't wait for more
Harry
2/1/22, 4:15 PM
You know, I have doubts about what things the ghost would have done to Charlie if he felt that it was biting him, what things are worse than an ass fucking
Dec 18, 2021
2/1/22, 3:10 PM
Damn, this is so sweet! And hot, and fun. A cute read, with just enough mystery and a nice helping of benevolence.