Recent Comments

Evan
1/19/22, 9:42 AM
I've really enjoyed this series and there was a nice payoff on earlier chapters in this one. Thank you, I love it. I was so eager and hoping Luke would get to feel what happens over the edge of the cliff. You've already gotten feedback on spelling and formatting but I have to say well done. The structure of a story and keeping me interested is really great! I'm interested and want to keep reading. Since you said in another comment that you don't know how that dialogue format works. Here's a quick example. When someone talks, make it a paragraph of its own: > "Hi," Luke said, chasing the kite. > > "I'm James," the other boy said, making the kite dive. > > "Nice to meet you," Luke said, panting and out of breath. "Do you come here often?" It makes it very clear when a new person is speaking. You can still add description and narrative with it if you want, but any time a different person speaks then press enter twice first and make it a new paragraph as an indicator that it's no longer the same person speaking. This makes it very easy for the reader to follow the conversation. And with that convention, you don't necessarily have to put everyone's name in all the time either. Now that we know we're up to Luke in the example, if there's a new paragraph below that with some dialogue, it's pretty safe to assume it's James again because if it was someone new (or Luke again for some reason) you would just say so. Spelling is a bit harder if the words sound the same and are spelled differently butt are still both words because spellchecker won't pick it up. But grammar checkers and context editors like Google Docs (for free if you don't mind using Google stuff) can sometimes highlight that sort of thing. But I can't promise the formatting there will come across when you paste it into the stories site.

Martin
1/19/22, 9:56 AM
@Evan 👍

SlutForHypno
1/19/22, 8:19 PM
@Evan Thank you so much for the advice. Honestly that might make things easier format wise. I promise I'll try to clear up on the spelling and grammar as well. I'm not the most careful of writers, nor the best for that matter. Especially this is purely for fun. but I'll try to give it an extra read through before publishing lol. I'm glad you're liking it so far. I can promise you Luke has not even begun what it truly means for him to fall of the cliff. He may just cum to love his decent into oblivion.
1/19/22, 8:11 PM
Honestly I thought this chapter was great. I wouldn't mind if it was longer. Does Cub University take transfer students?
1/19/22, 6:55 PM
looking forward to whatever happens next!
Fan
1/19/22, 6:17 PM
Wow! That's just super hot! "To be continued" not "the End" pleaseeee?
Anonymous
1/19/22, 2:56 PM
Do you have tumblr or Patreon?

Jonathan
1/19/22, 6:14 PM
@ Anonymous . Glad you liked it! And yes, this is the end but who knows, maybe Jonathan falls under the control of his barber.

Jonathan
1/19/22, 6:15 PM
sorry, I don't have either
1/19/22, 5:53 PM
@bluesuedewho, hope you're doing okay!
1/18/22, 10:39 PM
Great start -- super interested in where this goes. Character development was terrific.

1/18/22, 10:40 PM
@absman420 thanks! All those comics paid off!!

Ome
1/19/22, 4:53 PM
@Jack Parker 😬☠💀
Anonymous
1/19/22, 3:59 PM
Chapter 1 gave me IT FOLLOWS vibes
TheAuthor
1/19/22, 2:57 PM
Damn. This takes me back. I've read this a few years ago and it was such a delight. I loved it then and I still love it now. Glad to see you're still active.
Anonymous
1/19/22, 2:55 PM
This was one of the best stories I have read in a long time! Is this the end? Because I wish it will continue for much longer. Note: it would be so much fun of Jay left behind a hypnosis file that would turn Jonathan into the next 'Jay'