Well worth waiting for! A great follow up Pup Don.

This was super sexy. Loved the lossons. Loved the rimming. Loved how he made the dude his good boy.

an unanticipated but delightful segue. very mouthwatering and look forward to next up

love to have a great story featuring leather pants and gear instead of the stories that tease leather and only give us a harness. its got me rock hard beginning to end!!

Wow, this chapter was very, very hot! Nicely done -- great tension and anticipation!

Great story that kept me wanting more! I like the idea of different sized dicks so that all your readers can identify with one of your characters. Every dick, no matter the size, has its own unique ability to "get the job done!" If you are open to suggestions to make your stories even better than they already are I would suggest an expanded repertoire beyond rimming, bj's and ass fucking. It would be hot to see Ethan experience new, more hardcore activities. I would enjoy reading about Ethan getting fisted and fisting. He could be introduced to more extreme bdsm and cbt activities like sounding, prolapse play, bondage and chastity, just to name a few. I would also like to see some more fetish inspired activity like ws, nipple and armpit play, foot worship and skull fucking and gagging. Thank you for your contribution to my reading enjoyment.

I can't believe I just found this! I remember the original ending, I kinda hated it (sorry, Absman! luv ya, bro) this is a much more satisfying conclusion. It leaves Tommy in a much better place and it redeems Paul.

This is going to be a two part comment. First, I'd like to say that this was a solid piece of writing. Particularly, I found the bit about the character creation to be well-crafted and a fresh take on the idea of game avatars mimicking real life. While phrases like "He said" are not my favorites, you managed to make it work fairly well and I was not taken out of the story because of them. Though if you have the chance to replace them with more vibrant language it will almost always help in your storytelling. I will also echo what several others have been saying: that many of the mind control aspects could have been expanded on further. An audience is a sucker for details. By my word count extension, the piece clocks just shy of 1,500 words. I'm always impressed with someone who can tell a concise story in such a short space. If you're setting yourself a cap, as many writers do, it can be helpful to take a pair of scissors to the piece and cut anything that's not aiding your story. This will free up your work to add more detail and/or characterization in other areas. I'm definitely watching what more you have to share on this site. Now on to the comments section. I knew it would be divisive from the second I saw that this was a race-play story. I hope that you don't take these critiques as a blow to your writing ability. They are not. Any slightly controversial story on this site will get lobbed with these comments about how "X kink shouldn't be allowed on the site." These comments have been going back to old stories with incest themes and more we'd find pretty tame on this site today. And if you want to get historical there's plenty of criticism of pretty much any art work deemed "morally wrong" by someone with a pen or a keyboard. I can't help but notice that the comments that are vehemently against the subject matter are (at time of writing this comment) either anonymous or have no published stories themselves. This makes me wary of putting any weight on their claims of "It's racist" as I can't really call them your peers with no works to speak of. What I will critique on this subject, is that the themes of race-play rely heavily on stereotypes and cliche. While any story will have some tropes in it, you need to be watchful that the tropes serve the story/ character and not the other way around. For such a bare-bones story, we don't really get to know any of these characters before they're acting like monkeys and eating drugged bananas. I believe there's other ways to end up here. Perhaps a longer length would aid in this, and for stories of this size we really need to be able to see more characterization or else it's just a nondescript black man who becomes a caricature of a nondescript black man. And I've read that story before. This is NOT to say that race-play can't make good stories or be intensely erotic. But please, be mindful of how you use these themes and kinks in your writing. I'm running a bit long here. If you want the short version: this is a tight story and I really enjoyed it. I'll be watching for your name on the front page again soon.

have you ever consider to try a curious idea? LET EVERY AUTHOR WRITE WHATEVER THEY WANT. No one is forced to read this story or any subject you dont like.

Really enjoyed the story! Looking forward more with "mon.co", even though I'm sure I'll read this one plenty more. Some others seem to not like that you mentioned they were all black, but I'd wouldn't mind it if you took this to a more racial power dynamic/domination direction, but if not, I'm sure I'd enjoy whatever else you had planned. Hope to see more from you in the future! Also, to those worried about the racial element of this story: this is a *fantasy* story about a company with basically no morals that *brainwashes guys* and you're concerned about intra-racial racism? *Seriously?*