Recent Comments

11/23/21, 11:33 PM
so waiting for more
11/23/21, 11:01 PM
Fecking amazing! So hot and beautifully written
11/23/21, 9:38 PM
Not trying to be a jerk here, so sorry if it came off that way. Since you asked though, a few things that could confuse some of your readers: A former running back for the high school team now playing it in college- Presumably you mean football when you say "it", but you never actually said football, so I am guessing, but that's only because I personally don't know of other sports that might have a running back. On the other hand, there are a lot of sports I don't know about Luke’s eyes quickly went to Will, “ Dude you’re staring he started to blush as a smile grew on his face.” It hadn’t gotten deep enough into the summer for him to get a tan so Will could easily make it out. Will let it slide though not wanting to call his much of a best friend out.- Who started to blush? The sentence reads as if Luke did, but I assume you meant Will, and the misplaced quotation mark doesn't help. Likewise, you probably meant Luke let it slide so as not to call Will out, yes? Tyrell rolled his lounge looking down on the guy- Did you mean eyes? Will had been the most sock when he visited Luke’s house the summer after Freshman year. Mr. Calhan, who Will had always seen as put together and composed, had dishelmed air and wrinkled clothes on- Is sock meant to be sick or shocked? And did you mean disheveled hair? The young man quickly dove in his pockets to retrieve it. His hands were shaking as he couldn’t even unlock his phone.- Probably better if you said "to retrieve his phone" and "couldn't even unlock it" to clarify what "it" refers to These are some of the things that stand out to me, but I admit, it's probably because I am a bit anal retentive about things like that (yes, English major and sub teacher background, sorry). I really do not want to discourage you from continuing, and look forward to the next chapter, and maybe see some more of the "green" story.

Kods
11/23/21, 10:49 PM
@KnightStone Hey there thanks for the feedback! I caught most of these in my re-read I mentioned above. Thank you for bringing the 'football' one and 'phone' one to my attention. Hopefully it reads smoother once they're approved.
11/23/21, 8:57 PM
Please continue!
11/23/21, 8:24 PM
Yeah! It's getting better and better! Can't wait for more sequels to cum. :P
Nov 1, 2021
11/23/21, 7:21 PM
All eight hard
11/23/21, 7:03 PM
More
11/23/21, 4:31 AM
Too bad there's only two chapters of this gem. For anybody interested in erotic humiliation, this is fucking gold, buddy. I hope the guy who commissioned it decide to finish it. It's delicious.

Jockmorphr
11/23/21, 5:48 PM
@Plymouth58 I agree! the erotic humiliation in this story is great. It is one of the things I like most about @oddballs' stories. The physical changes are incredibly hot, especially when compounded with the behavioral changes that the subject can't stop from happening. Great story! Like everyone else I hope there will be more.
11/23/21, 3:23 PM
I really didn't have a problem with the way the story read to begin with. I could follow it just fine, it didn't seem to be a problem for me other than a few name error problems and you could figure those out pretty easy. I've seen far worse problems in other stories, but I could still follow along with those so I think it just depends on the person. Overall I really like the story as a whole and this was another great chapter in a mystery that I'm very interested in. Thank you for writing!
11/23/21, 12:47 PM
brilliant story!