Recent Comments

11/21/21, 1:39 AM
So good, but I could say that about all your stories. Love reading about Jese. Hope you come back to this.
11/20/21, 10:29 PM
Thank you for updating so quickly! I love how this is shaping up, especially the romance parts despite the manipulation.
11/19/21, 11:15 PM
Took a bit to figure out who was narrating as the perspective shifted, but other than that easily fixable issue, I found this really hot, sexy and arousing. An incredible buildup that I can't wait to follow.

11/20/21, 9:08 PM
@Essex I have edited it to try and make it easier to tell who the POV switches to. I'd appreciate if people gave it another read through and told me if it's clearer now than it was before.
Kods
11/19/21, 11:50 AM
@Johntheedoe I think I caught that at one point, but now that you said that, it makes it easier to notice. However, I'd say we've been introduced to many characters so quickly that it's hard to keep track of them all. At this point providing a POV Header switch is easier for the readers. That said, I don't think the technique you implemented is a bad one inherently, but would be better suited if the story had a smaller cast, or used with a cast the readership knows intimately well that they can pick up on the different POV with context clues ( I.e. setting, their frame of mind, other charaters their with.) Even then might still trip up people. I think it's usually easier to do this techinque in third person though because all "I"s can run the same.

11/19/21, 1:22 PM
@Kods Agreed. The parts of the story I could follow were really hot, but I found it impossible to keep track of all the characters, and after about the second narrator shift, I just gave up trying to figure out who was talking.

11/20/21, 9:04 PM
@ Kods @Hypnothrill I've edited in some more lines to hopefully make it clearer who the POV switches to. If you guys would be willing to give it another read through and tell me if it's better or not I'd be grateful.
11/20/21, 7:16 PM
Sounds to me like the slime became a balanced person and maybe discovers that once he starts interacting with other people. Of course nobody's gonna know who he is because he's now a combination of David and Kyle. I love this chapter can't wait to see the next.
11/20/21, 6:28 PM
woof that was a hot one. love this story from start to finish
11/20/21, 5:51 PM
Great addition. Love this series so far
11/20/21, 5:39 PM
I love this story, can't believe I hadn't read it before. It's really sweet, a story for Cupid before it existed. But also incredibly hot, and plays into objectification fantasies without those elements of horror you get from permanence. So I especially appreciated how you ended it.
Anonymous
11/20/21, 4:33 PM
if there was ever a sequel to make this would be the 1
11/20/21, 10:54 AM
We miss you EdIam.. Please come back with a new story or chapter ruining happy lives