Recent Comments

10/23/21, 12:11 AM
I second the words above of Plymouth58
Zac
10/22/21, 7:50 PM
It was a great dumbing down scenario, but needs the #nosex tag. Like it better when "yung, dumb" and "full of cum" all go together.

10/22/21, 7:53 PM
Good call @Zac, I've added the tag.
10/22/21, 7:35 PM
Glad to see more from you. This was a nice fun story, and its always nice to get a happy ending.
Slave Abdamelek
10/22/21, 6:53 PM
No. But since the Pharaoh's Army has grown into massive numbers, our collective mind easily permeates all men who are physically close to us. This is why they feel our feelings, and our greatest fear, that of the Enemy, quickly invades them, and intensifies with the thought of abandoning our Pharaoh's protection.
10/22/21, 5:43 PM
I really do hope that this story will have a sequel. Can't wait to read about a possible Harem of hypnotized jocks wrestlers. And who knows, see Jacob been served its own medecine by Fred, who will be able to hypnotise him back with his new learned skills...
Anonymous
10/22/21, 5:37 PM
Love this series, very well done
10/22/21, 3:21 PM
I absolutely love this idea!!! I kinda wish he'd put up more of a fight somehow, but it was still a pretty nice read and a very clever way to showcase it

10/22/21, 3:45 PM
Thanks @Hinner! I was tempted to write some “No dude… I need my smarts…” dialog, but I wanted to make it really clear that once he realized the truth, Charlie *wanted* to be dumb.
10/22/21, 2:50 PM
Really clever story as usual, Derek. I was just hoping we'd get some scenes of him interacting with his dumbed-down friends. This is just my personal taste, but for me the story would be hotter if there was no Mr. Monroe character and it was Charlie's friends who used their "dumb jock logic" to persuade him that being smart was dumb.

10/22/21, 3:43 PM
Thanks @Hypnothrill - that’s an interesting take on the concept too. Might make a good story, though certainly very different from what I went with. I’m pretty fond of the “duel with the devil” style of conflict myself.
10/22/21, 3:27 PM
I am hooked on Donnie vs Superboy! Awesome story. I was just wondering if you'd ever write a chapter (or another story) where Donnie meets Tommy? I'd love to read about them fighting and trying to dominate each other. Thanks for the great story!
10/22/21, 10:55 AM
Your English skills are great and I enjoyed your story, the writing is good overall. However, you did make some easy to fix errors owing to your unfamiliarity with the setting. Your story would work in most places in the U.S. but it absolutely doesn't work in New York City. In the future, you could try being more generic with your setting. You don't need to name the city, and if you do, you should research the city online so you can get the feel of it for your story. New York City doesn't have mobile homes, normal people can't even afford a house in NYC it's far too expensive, no one would ever loan someone money in NYC like what happend in your story because you will never see a stranger you bumped into again because it's too massive, and there are too many people. New York City is almost a character unto itself in fiction and literature, so it should not be chosen casually as a setting for the story if the writer isn't prepared to evoke the feel of that city. Your story would have worked better in any small town in America.