Recent Comments

9/10/21, 5:53 PM
I'm not into feet, but dang this got me going! Interesting premise.
9/10/21, 8:49 AM
ohhhh, teasing about somebody else who will probably show up! And we have a mysterious main bad guy for the story! I'm hyped!!! Wonder how Zane will react to what he'll learn. Okay, so the dad probably doesn't know what happened, that explain a lot. Hehehhehe, Dylan has his father's possessiveness.

Jonanator
9/10/21, 4:42 PM
@BobbyBlobfish I'm glad you like it. I'll post the new chapter later.
9/10/21, 2:04 PM
*Honey,* that fisting scene was hot as all hell. I don’t know how unrealistic it is, if at all, to be able to pull out your whole fist and push it right the fuck back in, but *damn,* it turned me on anyway. Also, guilty pleasure, the word “punching” calls back all my S/M tendencies even though there wasn’t a hint of pain. Switching from sexy to romantic to sexy, with dirty talk in the midst of the romance, was a great idea. Even though Razz came down in the middle, I didn’t. You focused the romantic conversation effectively and it bled right into the next scene. Once again, great story, great fun, great writing! You’re a worthy competitor. (Also, once the contest is over would you consider adding another with Razz bottoming or Derek deepthroating? I saw there were the other two Derek/Razz stories but size stealing isn’t always my thing. I might try them still, especially if they’re temporary changes.)

9/10/21, 4:28 PM
@Soren Fitz My goal with Razz and Derek is definitely "semi-unrealistic but hot as hell" hahaha. Thank you for your incredibly nice comments and detailed feedback. You managed to compliment the things I was most unsure/anxious about from a writing perspective across both parts. Also, in terms of how I write these characters, almost everything they do with major physical changes is temporary, especially the dramatic size stuff. I'm not big into "stuck with X" type things, especially for recurring characters. In my mind it's kinda like sitcom rules -- even if a story ends with them TF'd in some way, the expectation is that they'd revert "off camera". I probably will continue writing them. I have a TF-heavy story that's been in drafts for, uhhh, probably two years at this point, but I'd also like to pick up more of these early-relationship threads I hinted at in this story like what you mentioned. My writing inspiration is an unfortunately fickle beast -- I also have two non-R&D unfinished series on GSS with drafts stuck in writer's block -- so I'll try to tame it as best I can.
9/10/21, 10:18 AM
Really well-written, especially given that this is a translation from the French! I just noticed one confusing pronoun error towards the end: "Her clothes and Soren's would be found..." which initially made me think that Helga got converted into a drone as well.

9/10/21, 1:53 PM
@Hypnothrill Thanks for the review ! I used Deepl Translator for the translation, but thanks to you I notice I didn't correct everything... Your right, it's HIS clothes, the translator badly understood that sentence given that in french the pronoun refers to the object, not the subject... Thanks !
9/10/21, 1:48 PM
Your writing is so fluid! It reads smoothly; it’s descriptive; your vocab range is wide and it shows. I’m enjoying the fluffy romance—it’s pleasant and sweet. That you tease at it through Razz brushing it away over and over again keeps the idea of it in the reader’s head while not over-expositing, and there are so many other subtle ways their chemistry appears. The one thing I’ll say is that the wording of some of Razz’s self-reflections feel somewhat clunky, but everyone writes clunky wording sometimes, so it’s not a mark. I’m also typically not the biggest on mind control, so I like themes where things happen naturally even though the characters could use powers. It’s sweet to see the unexpected happen to someone who can do anything they expect. And a delicious sex scene! The gradual progression of Derek getting more and more eager was great. It seems like you really have a grasp on how sex works, and I found myself wishing that bottoming would feel that good for me, too. Keep up the good work. I’m on to the next!
9/10/21, 1:12 PM
I totally loved the last chapter, this one is maybe even better. Would love to get a little more description of these hot jock bodies, but god damn, such a hot story already. The way he effortlessly gets in these guys heads, the way you write that zonked-out bliss they experience? So sexy. Thanks for posting!
ohiobuck47
9/10/21, 11:49 AM
Can't wait for the next chapter.
9/10/21, 10:27 AM
Please continue!!!! incredible
Jan 20, 2007
9/10/21, 9:38 AM
Love that Aiden as a bimbo kept his 10" cock. So hot!
9/10/21, 8:17 AM
omg yes more please!