... Lot to unpack here. Where to start... 1) The timeline almost came out confusing. After two years, people would probably have moved out a lot from a toxic friendship? The relationship fine there are still some issues, but mark always came out of nowhere 3-4 chapters in, so the friendship always seemed more weak that she was supposed to be. And I thought rather than two years prior the break-up happened a few mouth earlier the way it was written, with a red-con, not sure why. The first line were weirdly worded. So, it's not bad... but it's a bit confusing. 2) The BIG problem is the level of abuse the parents are doing. That some people do that in real life, probably a few, humans can be very twisted. No problem buying it, even if it makes me feel sick. That one can write this, absolutely. I think anything can be talked about if it's written with enough consideration. The problem is the execution, not the idea. The parents don't come off as really dangerous people. They come off as cartoon villains with twirling mustaches. NOBODY would be that violent or say things like that in somebody else's home, or they are really sure of themselves and how untouchable they are. But here, they barely have any power, so no. they just look dumb and the reader has an hard time believing they haven't been caught until then. 3) Didn't Vincent want Cole for sex only? Why now Vincent didn't want to have sex with him? I'm confused. Also, nothing in the previous chapter implied the parents didn't know and that they show the video to Vincent imply that they did know and wanted the relationship to break or something. 4) After the rape attempt of the emperor and I, abusive parents in this story make it looks like you are using sexual assault as a prop to fasten love between the main characters, which is filled with unfortunate implications. 5) Oh yes, with that level of violence, it's VERY unlikely only one doctor noticed. And that he threatened to report, probably wasn't intended that way, seems to state that this other doctor didn't care but simply wanted the dad gone from the hospital for a reason or another. And it could have been handled better. For example, the dad could have been reported and go to the kingdom as a way to avoid justice. Sure, it would have been a bit stupid for the kingdom to not make a background check on the new hospital administrator, but I think they would have found red flags if they did some research on him even with the current situation. So, I might not be the best to talk about this. But, the ideas of the chapter are all really interesting and could be the focuses of full novels, but your writing style (who tends to go fast with concepts and relationships, for better and for worse) and the details we are given make the situation looks just here for shock value with no thoughts put into it, and it's really not a good look when one put assault in their stories.

Love this series.

Really great idea and hot story-telling. Impatient for more!

I also refuse to believe Max deserves this. May Clark's karma bus find him at the next intersection.

For some reason I love these game stories. It must be the way straight guys are sucked into a gay situation without any way of extricating themselves ! HOT!

I can't help but think that that was a huge chunk of story that was a waste of time if it doesn't amount to anything other than Max getting caught and never escaping.

amazing! such a good story, very hot concept

I'm glad that you were able to turn your fantasy into a story to share. Having seen you post about your original idea, I think this turned out quite well. I hope you continue to develop your writing. As for your English skills, they are quite good. More than good enough to convey erotic ideas, so no need to hold back. I think a lot of people have wondered where the stories of dominant bottoms are - they are few and far between.

I also love the slow burn here. My one niggling critique is that the story is generally so well-written and immersive that a few implausible details stuck out like a sore thumb to me. The socioeconomic and racial diversity of the boys in the congregation challenged my suspension of disbelief, and then the description of Tanner's lime-green suit and raspberry shirt as "subtle" made me laugh out loud.

Cum on is that all you got! Think of all the other things Rick still hasn't done yet. There's so much more to be done ! So many more to corrupt ! Now get back to work & write more chapters. Go be productive ! GO !