Recent Comments

Daniel
8/18/21, 2:52 AM
ok dude, let's see what you think is hot ! I.J.S.
8/14/21, 12:39 AM
Loved this story so much!!! Mark losing control, and the way it was written showing how easy it is, just makes me lust for that gum and it was awesome!! Love the writing man!!

8/18/21, 12:15 AM
Thanks @Bramurai! I gave it another read myself - I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out :)
Aug 13, 2021
Oxly
8/17/21, 11:24 PM
wow!! incredible job, i wish i could meet a Daddy like this! 💖
Willie Cici
8/17/21, 2:33 AM
I have to be honest. This was the final installment, but from these comments, I think I have to go back and rethink this through. We'll see where genius (Lol!) takes me.

8/17/21, 10:55 PM
@Willie Cici I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested but I felt I should say that you did leave this one at a good place. Jason has dealt with his mental hang-ups about being gay that were threatening him (via the chip). He will probably be OK going forward. He might start a LTR with Zach, who is a great guy and a good friend. It's not a bad way to end it.
8/17/21, 8:59 PM
Loved it man. so hot!looking firward to reading your other chapters
Harry
8/17/21, 3:52 PM
This series is dope.
8/17/21, 3:04 PM
More please!
Anonymous
8/17/21, 2:35 PM
Yes definitely go back and see where you else you can take it. I agree it seemed more like Jason was being brainwashed or suggested and suggested and he was taking the suggestions in as his own thoughts. I'd be curious to see how far that will go. I'd even be curious to see if Zach might have been interested in Creating different personalities for Jason. The idea of Adam really was never explained why or how he was involved and who the client was
8/17/21, 3:28 AM
This was a great idea for a submission! I thought it was cool that the place was a gay polyam commune, and it was fun reading about how Billy Bonkers affected the excessive order. You set up Jack's life well, why he wanted to change, and how Daniel rescued him. It seemed like some of the plot elements came out of nowhere, but that *is* how life tends to work - not much foreshadowing. It felt similar to stream-of-consciousness literature. One thing I would suggest is adding punctuation to the end of all your dialogue. All the other writing has full punctuation and correct spelling and looks good, so it's kind of jarring whenever a quote doesn't end in the proper punctuation, and it makes the writing appear lazy - falsely, since your writing is good here.

8/17/21, 6:23 AM
@Soren Fitz Ah, grammar, my old nemesis. Read on its own the story elements are rather random, but this is actually a "Midnight Sun" if Dalton Creek on Gay Spiral was "Twilight". That story is... something. It's the same story elements told from the other perspective. This is like a Disney version of Dalton Creek's Grimm fairytales. I wanted this story to function as a stand-alone, maybe the start of a series of one-offs where different duos from the commune go on dates and things.

8/17/21, 12:53 PM
@Norismo That makes so much more sense now! I noticed a few hours after reading that you had posted twenty-three chapters of Dalton Creek stories in the past, and now I understand what’s going on.
Jack
8/17/21, 7:16 AM
I have to say, this story was a pleasure to read, and I don't mean just because I was pleasuring myself as I read it. The situations were good, the sex was titillating, and the ending was very satisfying. I liked how Eric and Ricardo were almost a future glimpse at how Fin and Ronny would eventually be: still fucking constantly, but having more of a healthy relationship feel to it. A wonderfully satisfying story, and I very much look forward to your next work!