Recent Comments

7/27/21, 4:38 AM
Looks like my suspicions about Gabe are coming true! Using the book to become a physical god who has a gym especially dedicated to guys like himself...I fear the worst. :p Speaking on a more serious note, I must admit I wasn't crazy about the locker room scene before Sam's edit to the book...I know Gabe has become dominant, but to be frank, the scene gave me serious rape vibes (slowly advancing on Sam, telling him that he HAS to "fix this," saying that he wants his ass NOW...). Yes, Sam found a loophole re: consent, and of course this site is full of non-con sex, but something about the scene felt very wrong to me, especially because Sam was essentially forced to use his turn to change the nature of consent, which feels like coercion. Plus Gabe going from sensible and careful to a near-rapist rapidly depletes my interest. In thinking of it, the ability to make guys orgasm through voice alone and then deliberately speaking as slowly and carefully as possible was also offputting. It's fun to drive someone into a lusty haze, but only if the person wanted to be there in the first place...I think it's especially tough because the earlier chapters were framed with Gabe and Sam as more fun-loving but ethical, whereas this chapter turns Gabe into a real jerk, for lack of a better term. Those are only my own thoughts, but did want to share them. I would love to hear your ideas. :) Thank you for reading. :)

Nutiper
7/27/21, 5:52 AM
@Feed Your Head Sorry to hear that this story isn't for you! I will say I had an extremely different understanding of the events in this chapter and what the characters were doing than compared to the interpretation you shared. But I'm not sure it's productive to have that particular conversation in the comments, as I don't think either of us will change each other's mind. If you end up wanting to chat about it you can always reach out — I just don't want to spam up the comments too much

Anonymous
7/27/21, 8:00 AM
@Feed Your Head I feel some of that vibe too. I was more hoping for a drama blow out scene between them, with Sam retorting along the lines that most of the current situation was actually Gabe's fault because of his straight edit. That scene could have had such a different dynamic, and still had the same outcome. But the authors made a creative decision for the scene with more widespread aftershocks/ripples/butterfly effect. There are soooo many ramifications for the edits Sam made; there's several branches this can explore. But that's the thing with story forums such as this. In normal literature, you read a finished, polished work. In this format, we're seeing the plot unfold chapter by chapter, with a chance for feedback to the authors/artists (and I would call these wordsmiths artists), possibly influencing future chapters because of the interactive nature of this story format. In a published work, it's going to be edited to be more appealing to a general audience. Here, it's a specific audience, so it can be hit and miss with people. On a personal level, I relate to Sam in the locker scene in my personal experience. It makes scenes like that hard to read. But I get some catharsis from it, and reading scenes related to my experience in violent stories such as this has helped me to move past that part of my life. Yes no still get "triggered" but in settings like this where it's intended as playful, it makes what I've been through less... I don't know what word/emotion to use here. Bluesuedewho / MonsterMash62, Thanks for another interesting chapter!

7/27/21, 3:03 PM
@Nutiper Oh, mon cœur, you're not getting rid of me THAT easily! If I can make it through *The Fountainhead*, I can make it through this. :p But seriously, I am genuinely interested in this story and want to see what happens next. I wanted to express what I felt about this chapter, though, because it was such a marked departure. As you say, though, flooding the comments with discussions will be distracting. I'll message you later through the DM feature. Thanks for responding! :D

Nutiper
7/27/21, 9:31 PM
@Feed Your Head Absolutely! And your comment along with some others did make me realize it wouldn't hurt to really boost things in the story that felt clear to me and Blue and Monstermash, but I guess weren't coming through to some readers... (Like, this is a small example out of many, but the whole "sexy voice" thing was meant to come across as another slip-up on Gabe's part, who likely wrote in something about having a voice that's "deep and masculine and arousing" without realizing it would turn out so *literal*.) So thank you, also, for your patience with us! I have a hunch that a revised version of the chapter might drop tonight or tomorrow... I still think it will not work for everyone, but hopefully the intent will be clearer.

7/28/21, 6:50 AM
@Nutiper Thank you all for taking the time to speak to us readers and work on the story! In re-reading, I think I found that my main problem is that Gabe is consistently described as "smug," "smirking," and "arrogant," lazing around and knowing that he's so sexy that he can do whatever he want--as if his personality, after becoming a muscle god, totally changed from "sweet-natured himbo" to "douchey jerk" (yes, there is a difference). :p Yes, he's an idiot, but in his current incarnation, he's *so* entitled and demanding just because he's hot that he comes across as unsympathetic and, as I mentioned earlier, more of a forceful rapist. A particularly big change is how in the previous chapter, the realization that his latest change gave Sam a bubble butt sent Gave into a panic, whereas in this one, when he figures out that his voice is literally orgasmic and arousing, he starts talking more slowly to torture Sam. That seems to be emblematic of the overall issue. Thanks! I'll be DMing you if you want to talk more. :D
7/28/21, 5:37 AM
I loved chapter 1 and 2.i hope there will be more. Such an innocent teachers pet. Wonderful
7/28/21, 2:57 AM
Very original. Loved it!
7/28/21, 2:34 AM
Whoa, this chapter was so hot! My favourite part was the way that you wrote Sam's headspace as these cumulative effects began to distract him and arouse him. Very nicely done! At this point, I feel like I'm in a similar position to Sam in that it's hard to keep track of the many changes, but I also mostly didn't feel like I needed to except when there was deliberate reference back to them without mentioning how they were worded. I loved the idea of the orgasmic voice, and I especially enjoyed Sam enjoying the changes to his ass. That feels like @Nutiper 's touch to me 😁. Delightful! I do think maybe the shower scene could use some massaging. Gabe's physical changes and his attitude have slightly outpaced my sympathy for him and I do miss their earlier dynamic a fair bit. Thanks for this story!

7/28/21, 2:54 AM
Thanks! The orgasmic voice was indeed Nutiper's idea! And yeah, it seems like some of Gabe's changes didn't quite land as intended -- some edits are on the way to clarify what's going on with the main characters! Gabe's still supposed to be a nice guy, even though both the MC's are dumb and horny. @time.to.occur
Vespair
7/27/21, 8:47 PM
that was as coherent and filled with turns as an oscar winning movie. love how flawed even Bussy is, with the implication that this smaller character just keeps screwing herself over because of her own hubris to curse people who annoy her for the sake of making the world better. the best stories are the ones that somehow manage to create intricate twists and turns out of the interactions of a set of flawed, self-interested characters--none of whom are completely good or completely antagonistic. the implications are there, like what did jeffrey do to earn a punishment ten times willem's? and even though it is a hundred for willem, the story didnt read like a laundry list of okay we're done with #76 now lets talk about #77. every chapter showed something different enough where there is not any chapter that shone less than the others. there was something just cinematic about this series

7/28/21, 1:12 AM
@Vespair Thank you so much! I really appreciate all of the kind words. I definitely wanted Bussy to be just a complete mess of a person lol. I thought that would be a lot more interesting than the super mysterious omniscient witch that always seems to appear in these types of stories. Thank you again!
7/26/21, 10:19 PM
hope more is set to come. great story so far.

7/27/21, 9:18 PM
@Jonanator Definitely more to come! Thanks!

7/27/21, 10:35 PM
@The Naked Ginger you welcome. keep it up
7/27/21, 6:25 AM
hotttt. hope more is to come. keep it up.

7/27/21, 2:45 PM
@Jonanator Thank you! There's definitely more to come! Love hearing that you're enjoying it!

7/27/21, 10:34 PM
@time.to.occur yeah, it is an amazing story. the way it's going so far. Keep it up.
Tropical Freeze
7/12/21, 7:26 AM
Yeah the concept was good but it went by so quickly it lost some of the eroticism, i think another draft would do this story a world of good

7/27/21, 10:33 PM
@Tropical Freeze Right on, mister. I'll give this a look through this weekend and repost the story. If the mods will allow that, I do not know.
7/11/21, 1:52 PM
I really like the concept but it all felt like it moved a bit quickly. I'd love to see a bit more time taken over Max's transformation, or his thoughts about the game, and more detail and time spent on the game itself, maybe how he gets used to his life afterwards. Plus it would have been nice to see how he had sex with his partner now he's a huge power top and power bottom! A great idea but if you do more I'd love more detail. Keep up the good work!

7/27/21, 10:32 PM
@Growing Geek Now that the anon is off, I can comment freely! *lolz* I wanted to add more stuff, but I was somewhat in a rush and just submitted it without much adding on. Thanks for the comment!
7/25/21, 9:09 PM
Always glad to see someone use slot machines as a method for change. I did a photocomic based on this premise: [Hot Slots](https://www.deviantart.com/criskane/art/Hot-Slots-TF-M2M-M2F-a-45-page-PDF-photocomic-676691824)

7/27/21, 9:58 PM
Fuck, I wish I'd seen that before. Such a hot comic. The way you did the graphics is amazing. It must have taken ages! @Cris Kane