Recent Comments

Jul 8, 2021
7/8/21, 7:10 AM
Great story! I love the twist that Carter is like the 40th agent that they've sent in there. It just could have used a little more description of the music itself.

7/8/21, 8:01 PM
@Hypnothrill Thank you! I admit that the reason I didn't go into much detail with the music because I know nothing about music beyond what sounds good and what dosen't. So I didn't feel confident about going into detail with the music.
7/8/21, 6:39 PM
WHOA that was a wild ride! I didn't expect Noah to be able to be the one to pull through, but holy shit that was WELL DONE. Poor Sal, he really did get his brain shredded, but Lucky? WHAT an ASSHOLE. I like that he got what he deserved, and that Noah and Ken are going to have a very interesting marraige from now on.
7/8/21, 8:09 AM
The story is a little too rapey for my tastes, but for some readers that will be part of the appeal. I wonder if this is the kind of story that only works if the reader heavily identifies with the narrator. I just couldn't get over the fact that Ace, who repeatedly gets described as "sweet," gets taken advantage of by the guy he thinks is his best friend (but who has in fact been plotting to drug and rape him for weeks). This is the kind of story that, for me at least, would probably work better if we had more complex characterization. I'd build off the one really interesting line at the start: "He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever known *when he’s not with his jock friends*." I can imagine a version of the story where Ace basically shuns the narrator when he's around his jock friends. Where, after the narrator comes out as gay, Ace stops hanging out with him in public, because he's afraid his jock friends will think he's gay too. Where Ace is only willing to come over to the narrator's house when he's sure that no one will see him. Where Ace starts bragging about his sexual exploits with girls, about this one girl who was reluctant to have sex with him until he plied her with alcohol. If Ace was that kind of character--basically, equally as "confused" and self-absorbed and rapey as the narrator himself--then the story would work a lot better for me.

Anonymous
7/8/21, 4:09 PM
@Hypnothrill Hey! I totally get that, I think I wasn't realizing what I was creating until I read it again later haha. I definitely will play around with more characterization and make it less rapey.
7/8/21, 3:50 PM
Hi, Great story, got my juices flowing.
easdf
7/8/21, 3:44 PM
Wow, that took a dark turn. I hope we'll see more of the world and meet new characters. It could be awesome to have a "beta resistance" given the domineering relationships between alphas and betas. I may be in the minority but I admit I liked it better when it was more wholesome. I have a thing with informed consent (which is funny, given the nature of this site), but that is just me and once again, this was a very interesting twist
Anonymous
7/8/21, 1:16 PM
Holy shit, this was super hot!
7/8/21, 9:20 AM
Make this comment to say: at first when I read it, I did not have a good impression and didn't hold the story in high regard. But you brought something to the table that I rarely have seen in others: a conclusive and logical ending, a good foreshadowing and hinting, a comprehensive and smooth story. To be honest, the story is not my taste, but it is always one of my recommendation now. Let's say, I don't love the story, but I love the author.

7/8/21, 12:45 PM
@Theodore And I love this comment! I always spend a lot of time on stuff like foreshadowing and tone and character logic. For instance, I took some time to brainstorm why an otherwise smart character like Brian wouldn't immediately figure out that Lexeed and Lex are Dr. Gould and his assistant--or why Dr. Gould wouldn't have immediately called for help when he realized he was being affected by Lex's pheromones. (By the way, the word in his static-filled distress call they can't fully understand in Chapter 1 is "Hazmat"). And I never know how many readers are actually appreciating this work. So it's great to hear from someone who does!
7/8/21, 6:19 AM
Thanks for the comment man. I'll bare that in mind
7/8/21, 1:14 AM
Such a great story. I feel it doesn't matter who our protagonist was, he, as an individual, was wrong. He exists in his submission, his surrender as his taken over completely. He finds ecstasy and meaning in his subservience to his master and it was so expertly described. Kudos.
Anonymous
7/7/21, 11:58 PM
Excellent work thank you very much

7/8/21, 12:53 AM
Thank you for the read and comment. And more will be on the way 😁