Recent Comments

boi98229
6/6/21, 1:39 AM
Hey Draco, This is my second time reading this story. i liked it and think it has a lot of potential, but was too short with too little detail in important places, such as (like the previous comment by Anonymous) the end where both boys' minds are shut down. The story would be a lot better with more back and forth between the boys and the professor with evidence pointing in confusing directions. Perhaps Mark and Joel could come have close to proving Professor Johnson guilt in a situation in which Johnson was very close to kidnapping them and then backed off. At this point you could still do this by bringing in new students, perhaps friends of one of the boys, who are trying to find their friend.
boi98229
6/6/21, 12:51 AM
Hey Draco! Okay, yes, the dash marks and lack of line change did make reading the dialog a little more awkward. i would also suggest you change formatting in the future to make this easier, though for me the line change would help more than the standard quotations. If you do make a change you might as well use more standard English formatting. That all said, i really love the story, and am looking forward to the next chapter. i really liked the way you developed parallel but very different circumstances and mind control approaches for Frank to develop control over each of his new subs. i don't know if you plan to have Frank take control over additional sub(s) in the next chapter or perhaps define/describe how Frank plans to organize his growing household and how he plans to use his slaves. Whatever you do, i am sure it will be hot! For me the hottest part of a mind control plot is the detail around the seduction and the process and mental effects of the power shift. As a submissive myself, i typically relate more closely to the loss of power/control by the sub, but part of the thrill of the process is getting a sense of the character of the Dominant and what drives him to collect a slave harem. i think you've done a masterful job of describing the power shift. On the slave harem part, i hope you'll clue us in sometime in the next 5-10 chapters! Surprise me! ;)) Thanks for a great Domination/submission story, and especially thanks for who you are and for sharing your imagination and writing skills with the rest of us. Best wishes! david
6/6/21, 12:11 AM
A very hot beginning! I look forward to future chapters.
6/5/21, 11:50 PM
This story has me thinking and wanting Jared and Greg's outcomes. It would be awesome for me to find me real passion.
Jun 4, 2021
6/5/21, 11:06 PM
perfect
6/5/21, 9:41 PM
Great story! I really enjoyed it!
Anonymous
6/5/21, 8:30 PM
Great story!!! Had me hard as a rock the entire time reading this!!
6/5/21, 8:11 PM
Awesome story!
6/5/21, 7:29 PM
excellent beginning......would luv to read more....^3^
Jun 4, 2021
Art
6/5/21, 5:19 PM
I liked your story but I don't like that the slob ended up in control of a guy who seemed nice and that was his only fault.