Recent Comments

5/8/21, 12:59 AM
Well thank gawd it was Frank and not Francine. :-) Thanks for another great chapter. Unique and hot. Question on your writing style: Why do you choose to use the way a play is written for dialogue, i.e. Billy: “And ya can have it as much as ya want. My cock is always at yer service" versus, And Billy lustfully replies, “And ya can have it as much as ya want. My cock is always at yer service.” I don't know if it's proper writing technique but your way makes the conversation flow better. When I write I find one of the hardest things to add variety and keep interest is doing a dialog but without constantly saying "Billy replies" or Billy says." I'd be interested to know your thoughts on this esp as you chose to write it that way.

5/8/21, 1:42 AM
When I began I just had the dialog in the main body, and someone said it was hard to decipher who was saying what, so when I saw how a few other stories separated the person specifically speaking out it was easy to follow. and I just use capitals and various punctuations for inflection of their words. occassionally I do clarify how the statement is meant to be read, especially if its sarcastic. @PupScout
Nimbus
5/8/21, 12:05 AM
i just found this. Is that you? come through to me.
5/7/21, 11:32 PM
Major kudos to the beta readers that helped edit and polish this into its final form!
5/7/21, 6:40 PM
Great story love the male pattern baldness aspect Would love to see how that effects them explored more!
Anonymous
5/7/21, 3:11 PM
Nice! I was kind of wondering how you could reintroduce the more blatantly hypno aspects of the story, since Jese seemed good and corrupted in the real world. Both the new setting and the possible hypno-rivalry between Dennis and Charles are good ideas to continue the story!

5/7/21, 6:40 PM
@ The Charles things just sort of came to me mid writing, as most things do, lol. But will definitely give the story some longevity, along with a few turns. Its an interesting relationship to explore.
nycboot
5/7/21, 5:53 PM
I really like this series and I've been trying to think why. After enjoying the Mind Gear sections too much and fantasizing about what I want to happen, I think it comes down to my like for the contrast between the two worlds -that Jese loves going into Mind Gear and is much more uncomfortable in the real world. At the outset of the story, I took an immediate dislike to Jese - seemed like a typical non-communicative anti-social teenager with little sense of how to interact with people. But of course as it goes on one realizes that if nothing else, Jese likes experiencing new adventures and likes sex - and I as a reader love to see Jese slipping so gradually, and getting confused between the fantasy and real worlds. I do miss the fantastic unreality of the first section; let's see what the ring and bracelet do for this section. Good luck. :)

5/7/21, 6:38 PM
@nycboot I also enjoy the jump from real to virtual. Which there will be more of, of course. But I'm sure we havn't seen the end of Master Azir and Star World. Nor the fantastic opportunities available thanks to its magical world. Gentlemen's Club will just be a dive into another idea, but will have a purpose in terms of the story, naturally.
5/7/21, 6:00 PM
Very very hot story. Was a tiny bit confused how the jock "somehow" came off Dan without him dropping his shorts at the reception desk, but maybe he had a spare in his pocket? He seems to still be wearing his jock when he gets to the room and has to strip. Also he says that he's a shower not a grower but he's clearly *both* ha ha ha ha ha.
5/7/21, 2:46 PM
Very nicely done! I especially appreciated the whimsy of your line, "after a raid using their wits and athleticism, as well as some well-placed bribes, a grappling hook, and a reliably rowdy camel. To say nothing of the sex, which, hot :D

5/7/21, 5:36 PM
@Noam de Pluma. Thank you! I was trying to catch a little bit of that fun pulp feel before the intense stuff started. The camel ended up being more significant than originally planned, ha!
5/7/21, 5:20 PM
Will we see part 6?
Zai
5/7/21, 2:06 PM
Speedos are an all-time top pick for me when it comes to sexy clothing on hot, studly dudes. The ultra thin fabric that accentuates manly hips, bulging crotch, and round, firm ass is the stuff of (wet) dreams. That you had Jesse get utterly and completely owned by Ash AND his huge cock while both hunks were still wearing their Speedos was damn heat! Someday, I hope you return to not only this great story, but add new and exciting gay erotic fiction to this wondrous site. Take care, dude!

5/7/21, 2:35 PM
@Zai Not sure when the Island will make its return. I have thought of spinoffs, and returns. Just haven't really found something I really want to come back with yet. But otherwise I'm trying something a little different with Star World. Its not a realistic-esk island setting, but it provides a longterm plot for Jese to evolve with. Gentlemen's club, which will make its debut within the Star World story might be something you would be interested in. It was an idea I had been sitting for a while, my next "island".