Recent Comments

Apr 11, 2021
Gasuda
4/12/21, 3:00 AM
Good start! Maybe you could have further modifications to the hosts over time the longer they have a parasite hijacking their body? We don't have a lot of insect stuff on here, and it would be interesting to see some heavy transformation with this.
Apr 11, 2021
4/12/21, 2:22 AM
this has amazing promise to be one of your best stories yet! :-)
4/12/21, 12:57 AM
wow this was so absolutely awesome. Your writing is wonderful, and the development of hypnosis is so delightful. Love it!
4/11/21, 11:25 PM
Oh wow this is super hot :3 Great job!
4/11/21, 7:50 PM
I see this is the first story you have posted to GSS, so I want to offer some constructive criticism. For your next story, make sure to have: 1. Multiple paragraphs 2. Multiple distinct characters This will make a world of difference when it comes to getting readers invested in the fictional universe you've created.

4/11/21, 8:47 PM
@HypnothrillThanks!
Apr 11, 2021
4/11/21, 8:35 PM
A fascinating story that perfectly captures that Hypnothrill patented blend of horror and sexiness. I think the fear comes from both the symbolic nature of STIs (the thought that sex could totally transform you) and the natural human phobia of "infection" of all kinds, especially insects (we even call germs "bugs"). The mental transformation aspects are my favorite! :D Keep it up, Hypnothrill!
4/11/21, 8:29 PM
great idea - but what about toilet ... reward on the penis ... but stimulation of the prostate ... little more details about the transformation - how does takeover ... over the spinal cord with nabobots ... needles ... it's just awesome Work I am happy if it goes on
4/11/21, 6:52 PM
I have some issues with this story. Mikey is described as twinkish, but the pov character is muscular and a former wrestler. The POV character runs away from the closet but Mikey, naked and wearing a headset that covers his eyes, somehow gets in front of him and this stops him? and he's not capable of wrestling aside his friend or the strange man holding a second headset? (Is the controller supposed to be muscular and too strong to resist? Because I didn't get that impression, just that he was an old guy with a spare Mind Control helmet.) Then the controller tells Mikey to go to school and he goes out some door still naked. It's unclear if the characters have finished college or are near the end of it, but perhaps Mikey is merely going to another room in the house to work out or do something else he's been trained to do that they refer to as "school." If he's supposed to be going to college and pretending to not be brainwashed, then he really need to get dressed first and also wash all that cum off. It also felt like kind of a stretch that the POV character could be brainwashed so quickly. I really would feel like he would need to be pinned down and really have his brain cooked for a while before he was docile, because it seemed like his friend had been getting conditioned for three days. if the headset administered a sedative dose, taser zap, or something like that as soon as it was slapped on him that would explain why he had no fight left in him. Perhaps an electrical stimulation to the pleasure centers of his brain. I like the general idea of the story. I just feel like the execution needs to be logical and not rushed so that I can enjoy the fantasy without picking it apart at the seams.

4/11/21, 7:14 PM
@Nocturne13 Your complaints about this story made me curious to read it, and I actually enjoyed it a lot more than I expected, so thanks for that. I agree that the story could be fleshed out a little more, and I also wish that we saw the narrator try to resist the spiral a little more. But this is a first-time author, and everyone has to start somewhere. For me, the method of placing the brainwashing helmet on the narrator's head made sense; he was confused and distracted. and there's no indication that the mind controller is physically feeble; a "salt-and-pepper beard" doesn't automatically make someone a frail old man. And if you read closely, it's pretty clear that the "school" Mikey attends is actually just the closet; personally, I thought that was a really clever touch, concisely demonstrating just how much power the mind controller has to warp his subjects' sense of reality.
Apr 6, 2021
4/7/21, 1:28 AM
This could use more detail. It's almost like you had a time limit to write a story, and so I felt deprived of character development and helpful exposition. Like, what's the handshake technique? The description of the hypnosis video didn't sound like it was very interesting, yet the main character became an expert from just one viewing. Also, where's the revenge? Your main character seems more like a bully dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia than someone who might be justified in ruining people's lives. His cousin is someone he's jealous of/turned on by, he wasn't described as particularly vicious, there's no examples of why he deserves revenge. He's a bit of a cocky prick, but so are most guys in high school. This is definitely first draft material, but it needs some more to it. The ending was too vague for me to look forward to a chapter 2; chapter 1 needs some filling out first, especially to tell us why he deserves to get revenge.

4/11/21, 7:02 PM
@PEN15LUVR you know it's nice to see someone else who leaves such specific comments on stories that have the potential to be good, if the author would just put a little bit more into them. I'm actually okay with the nebulous description of the handshake induction, but probably only because I know what the author is talking about. The stuff at the end though did seem really really rushed. Does bring up the interesting question of did the POV character do more than he thought or is there someone else hypnotizing people including some that he's already had a go at. I confess I have to agree though that it does feel kind of mean-spirited. I actually kinda felt good for the coach and the cousin getting to fuck each other later. probably would make a lot of money on only fans considering how hot they sound.
Apr 11, 2021
4/11/21, 6:35 PM
I was a little confused because something bit him in the shower, but then he still needed to have something loaded into his ass? so there were two parasites, or like one was a drone and one was the queen (king)? It seems like it would've been better to just have the thing that bit him on the scrotum infect his dick instead of trying to have something come through the ass to the dick. I mean, if you put something up someone's ass, it's not really going anywhere except into the abdomen unless you're talking about vein-like intrusions that reasonably would take a little bit of time to grow. And actually, considering that you say that the controlling creatures end up in their dicks, having something coming out of Diego's mouth makes even less sense.

4/11/21, 6:54 PM
@Nocturne13 The idea is that the creature enters through the ass and then has various tentacles/appendages that expand within the human host's body. Eventually, it grows to a size where it can divide and reproduce, and it does that by coming out of a host's mouth. I guess I'm playing fast and loose with xenobiology here, but of course, I'm describing something that can't possibly exist. When writing these kinds of alien/parasite invasion stories, it's always a bit like doing a magic trick; you just have to hope that you keep most readers distracted enough that they don't start thinking too deeply into the mechanics of it all and spoil the magic.