Recent Comments

4/5/21, 1:46 PM
Thank you for your comment. Yes, there's been a lot of plot to cover, but now that it's all explained, and the Pharaoh has returned more powerful than ever, we are back to the fun of the slow breaking of the will. Thank you for your suggestions too.
4/5/21, 1:38 PM
I'd stopped reading this series, just because the plot got a little too convoluted for me. But the description for this chapter caught my attention, and I'm glad I read it, because I was turned on by the President's relatively slow conversion and the way he was seduced by the promise to "Make Egypt Great Again" (so to speak). I hope that in subsequent chapters we get more detailed imagery of the men taking off their normal street clothes to don the Egyptian loincloths, because I think that's a really hot detail.
4/5/21, 10:30 AM
hope you come up with some more great stuff again!!
Apr 5, 2021
4/5/21, 9:41 AM
Congrats on publishing your first story here, Praisego! I think this one has a lot of good elements, including an exciting cliffhanger at the end. But my main recommendation would be to add a bit more character development, especially when it comes to the narrator, Jimmy. I get the sense that we're supposed to sympathize and even identify with Jimmy, but I found that hard to do. Frankly, I thought that Jimmy seemed like a sociopath; when he finds his friend and roommate in a vulnerable state, he immediately starts thinking of ways to rape him. If we're intended to root for Jimmy, it might have worked better if he spent some time talking to Steven while he was under trance, then discovered that Steven had always been attracted to him, but just too afraid to act on that attraction. But for me, the more interesting option would just be to lean into Jimmy's creepiness, to make him a self-pitying and self-justifying incel who rationalizes taking advantage of his hot jock roommate. That would give the reader even more reason to come back for Chapter 2 and see if Steven can turn the tables on Jimmy.
Apr 5, 2021
Evan
4/5/21, 8:07 AM
Cool idea, walking in on a roommate already in trance thinking he was in private. Who could resist using that to their advantage. Unexpected twist he knows. Hmm. Where will it go from here?
4/5/21, 8:06 AM
hot but wish you would have talked more about the transformations, especially the weight gain
4/5/21, 8:06 AM
loved the revisit and am thrilled for everything that comes next
Oct 16, 2006
jimbor
4/5/21, 7:28 AM
Love this story. Especially when Tom can no longer speak English and he is forced to say he is not Tom Brady. I agree that there should be a sequel. Maybe have Tom return to his own body but with the changes to his personality and history. He can no longer speak English. His education is gone. He has lost his confidence. He doesn't think he deserves to wear expensive suits or his uniform
4/5/21, 5:44 AM
I cannot believe I missed this addition to your wonderful series the Gentlemans Club. This prequel is very clever and though dark pushes quite a few of my buttons. Bravo Sir.
Martin
2/1/20, 9:58 AM
AbsMan420, thank you so much, coming from you that means a lot to me :) Firesix, see, how I'm blushing: ## 😊 Let's see what will happen to Steff and Alec. I actually can't wait to get my ideas on "paper" :) Thank you all for those encouraging comments!

4/5/21, 3:24 AM
@Martin hey still waiting for part 2 😅

Martin
4/5/21, 5:43 AM
@Pakibttm Thank you, that's nice to here that there are still people waiting for this. I'm horrible at finishing my stories, I know. This morning I had a *very* intense and hot half-sleep fantasy while wanking my morning wood. I think I have to get it written down asap to get it out of my system... It's not a continuation of this story, but if you liked it, you will probably like this short one-shot I'm planning to write today, too.