Recent Comments

Martin
3/21/21, 8:54 PM
I didn't remove it from the challenge myself. You must have made an error when submitting or editing it, so it wasn't in the challenge. I've added it now to the challenge. Or, if you really want to make a series out of it, I'll remove it again. Your choice.
boi98229
3/21/21, 7:47 PM
Not very original plot, but very well set up and well written. It was still really arousing. I am looking forward to more to see where you take the story now.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 7:37 PM
Oh that makes sense! I myself was actually wondering if Tom would eventually get Ben by dosing the shower water but apparently not 😅
3/21/21, 7:36 PM
I'm loving the story. I can't wait to see where it goes next. I have just an advice for you: proofread the story for mistakes and such. Keep on going man!❤
3/21/21, 6:33 PM
BPtime, I had that thought too after I finished writing the story. My handwavey answer is that, no, the guy who fixed the pump didn't actually try any of the water (or if he did, it was just a sip, not enough to affect him). This is also my answer to the question of why Ben isn't affected by showering or brushing his teeth.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 6:32 PM
Originally, this was supposed to be for the "fallen hero" contest but was released as a story like that, not sure why. Didn't fit, probably. So that explain the rushed aspect. Yeah, with that ending I came up almost on the fly, a sequel would be nice, but I don't think I will come back to it immediately. I have other things in my life and other stories I want to focus on. But I guess I want to explore a relationship where both are mind-controlling the other in an unhealthy way. Thanks for the encouragement. I guess it'll be a series.
3/21/21, 6:27 PM
I'm excited to see what will happen next!
3/21/21, 6:00 PM
Great world-building, well thought-out action. A terrific accomplishment for people who like exposition and plot in their stories. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 5:11 PM
wow!!! that was hot... I'd love to hear what happened when the guys hit the gym...
3/21/21, 4:59 PM
I thought there was going to be a section where Twofer reacts to the story going out on Darryn's blog. This is a really interesting premise that could go in many different directions.