Recent Comments

3/21/21, 6:33 PM
BPtime, I had that thought too after I finished writing the story. My handwavey answer is that, no, the guy who fixed the pump didn't actually try any of the water (or if he did, it was just a sip, not enough to affect him). This is also my answer to the question of why Ben isn't affected by showering or brushing his teeth.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 6:32 PM
Originally, this was supposed to be for the "fallen hero" contest but was released as a story like that, not sure why. Didn't fit, probably. So that explain the rushed aspect. Yeah, with that ending I came up almost on the fly, a sequel would be nice, but I don't think I will come back to it immediately. I have other things in my life and other stories I want to focus on. But I guess I want to explore a relationship where both are mind-controlling the other in an unhealthy way. Thanks for the encouragement. I guess it'll be a series.
3/21/21, 6:27 PM
I'm excited to see what will happen next!
3/21/21, 6:00 PM
Great world-building, well thought-out action. A terrific accomplishment for people who like exposition and plot in their stories. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Anonymous
3/21/21, 5:11 PM
wow!!! that was hot... I'd love to hear what happened when the guys hit the gym...
3/21/21, 4:59 PM
I thought there was going to be a section where Twofer reacts to the story going out on Darryn's blog. This is a really interesting premise that could go in many different directions.
3/21/21, 4:51 PM
This reminded me of some of POW's stories but it was indeed wholesome whereas POW's can get exceedingly dark. A fascinating premise here for sure.
3/21/21, 4:31 PM
It's a go idea ;D But yes, I think the end is a little rush, maybe you can also add something on what happen when Elijah and Jacob meet at the motel or if the other soldiers will meet him sometime later... in the end is a great story with some twist i didn't expect... maybe some edition to add more details or split in a couple of chapters will be great ;D hope you do, I will love to read more on this :3 💙💙💙
3/21/21, 4:28 PM
That was an intense exercise in steady, persistent corruption! Re: identifying characters by their hair colour, I thought it might have been a little over-emphasised. Anyway I hope this story does really well in the contest!
3/21/21, 4:05 PM
I agree with the Hurried comment. I quite understand it as I do so myself. I want to get the story out and reviewed, then once on line, I see all the errors anyone else would have seen on first read. Also, I'm guessing this was written by speech-to-text or Google translate, given the semantic and grammar errors. I love the concept and progression and with a wee bit of editing would be a fantastic story. Good job, overall