Recent Comments

2/7/21, 9:17 AM
Very enjoyable start! I enjoyed reading your story and I'd like to make a few suggestions. There's a lot going on in the chapter - you can slow down and spend more time on an action. You can also engage one of the proofreaders (you can contact them on Discord) to have a run through and help you clean the chapter up. Looking forward to more chapters!
BearBoi
2/7/21, 5:30 AM
Tiny is the real villain, Jeff. At least Mike will treat you right.
Juan
2/7/21, 5:28 AM
Spectacular, but ugh what a cliff hanger !
2/7/21, 4:30 AM
Yes, there are elements of 'remove the accidental cause' and 'this is convenient' but in the end I just wanted the dog to be in a safe location away from weird sex-aliens. There's also some set up for the next chapter, but I don't want to get too into it here. Next chapter will come at a slow pace. I'm doing a lot of writing for school.
DiaperthisDaddy
2/7/21, 3:41 AM
I would love to see more of this story.
Carus
2/7/21, 2:59 AM
I live to serve the virus
boi98229
2/7/21, 12:24 AM
Really good plot and character development. Horribly intriguing and arousing in a disturbing kind of way. i suppose it is the sense of control exhibited by Fraynes that make the story both engaging and arousing. i thought the hypnotic conversation Fraynes use to subdue Flake's misgivings in the van was very believable, which drew me even more into the story and Flake's mindset. Fraynes is obviously both intelligent and alert as well as sadistic and immoral. He seems very knowledgeable in hypnosis, drugs, and other psychological mind control techniques. As such he makes a great mind control expert and rather evil antagonist. i would have been very pleased to see the story carry on from here! Sadly at this point in time this doesn't seem likely.
2/6/21, 11:46 PM
Nice work. Thanks for sharing it with us!
2/6/21, 10:36 PM
This was a lot of fun. Beat-for-beat, it followed the formula very well. My only criticism is with the dog. The poor thing disappears about halfway through the story. It was like she got in the way of what the author wanted to do and he sent her packing! I think the inference is that the dog (on some level) understood what was happening to the protagonist and set out to find a better opportunity, but I still didn't dig it. I gotta tell ya, I'd be upset with my dogs if they just split while I was in the middle of an alien transformation! After all that kibble! Good job, man! Anxious to read more.
2/6/21, 8:38 PM
dick move Tiny, Dick move