Recent Comments

2/3/21, 9:17 AM
thank you for posting this! To be honest, this is one of my favorite stories in the site! I love your three characters, keep it up!
2/3/21, 8:21 AM
Cawthorn has been in the news a lot recently, and he seems like such a "Chad" type in real life, I had to include him. Also, he's a college dropout (from the creepy arch-conservative Patrick Henry College) so I thought it was only appropriate that he'd be named Secretary of (Re)Education. In my head, I pictured him still in the wheelchair while Hawley blew him, but in the actual story, I left that ambiguous, since I can't imagine this brave new Chad world being very inclusive of people with disabilities. On the other hand, I did subtly note that Chad (nee Dan) Crenshaw still only has one eye.
2/3/21, 8:07 AM
This is my first comment on here, but I just had to say...oh god why did you have to include Cawthorn (also is the ass still in a wheelchair or did the Chadifcation fix his spinal damage?) But yeah, he is unfortunately the Congressman (or as I call him, Congressboy) for the area of North Carolina that I live in...so it's kinda funny but infuriating to see him referenced here, because just. Yeah. Anyways, good story, and nice set up for a sequel!
2/3/21, 7:55 AM
I actually don't think that this story's syntax is horrible. But I think the set-up portion of this story makes a mistake that I see in a lot of works by beginning authors: too many unnecessary descriptions. A lot of times, authors feel obligated to describe every single detail of what a character looks like, even if it has no bearing on the story's actual themes or character arcs. And some of the descriptions in this story actually make it harder to picture the characters, rather than easier; Micah is supposed to be a fit young 5'6' guy who also somehow weighs 200 pounds. And while we get these slow-paced descriptive passages, the human interactions seem incredibly rushed; within the course of a single paragraph, Ballard introduces himself, offers Micah a well-paying job, and Micah accepts it. But all of this is stuff that writers have to learn by experience: how to pace a story, what details to elaborate upon and what details can be omitted. @Meltedzentai, I hope you keep at this, and I'm sure you'll see constant improvement.
Lusty Stallion
2/3/21, 7:43 AM
Wow - great stories. So many amazing transformations. Looking forward to the next one. You're a great writer man and I feel I become a better writer reading your work
2/3/21, 7:42 AM
Don't worry Piko. It may seem like Andy has already been broken but there might still be some resistance left in him once he realizes what he has been doing.
BearBoi
2/3/21, 7:31 AM
poor boi... didn't even get an assful of musky manly stag cock when he had the chance~
Anonymous
2/3/21, 6:45 AM
Your syntax is horrible. The insistence on piling multiple adjectives in front of every noun during the scene-setting part of the story is exhausting and laboured. And it is incredibly difficult to work out what's actually happening.
Jul 2, 2020
Gasuda
2/3/21, 3:45 AM
I'd enjoy a continuation of this one. It's bizarre, but grounded enough to really work.
2/3/21, 2:37 AM
So... the hero of this story is marijuana. If only he'd had his stash at the end of part 3. The moral: always carry your pot on your person in this universe.