This ticks all of my checkboxes for themes that I like: Technology/machine based brainwashing is my favorite kind of MC, and the sexy, unsuspecting family men being converted into gay slaves by this nefarious plan is scrumptious for me... I really love this idea! :) But in the end, it just didn't get there for me, because of how short it was. This looks like a skeleton of a story right now, and it's a sound structure, but, in my opinion, it needs some meat on its bones! Give me some detail! Milk those scenes where the fathers are kidnapped, and when they are brainwashed. Show us their development, and how they are transformed into slaves, changing from their old personalities. :) Some additional character development would be awesome! I see that Daniel is supposed to be the wholesome, pure, family man... And Viktor... is maybe supposed to be the tough guy type? The story is called "The Lucky Two," but the characters aren't exactly distinct enough yet... Let's see their reactions to all this. I mean, there was a passage, "I won't mince words, you are here to be enslaved..." and we don't get any reaction, lol. Maybe Daniel will beg, "please, I have a family!" and Viktor will put on the tough guy exterior, "When I get outta here I'm gonna kick your ass, kid!" or whatever... but we never see that. We don't see much of their characters during any of those intense scenes. Especially with Daniel, really displaying that pureness, that goodness, will make his transformation hotter when he's tatted and pierced at the end. At least with Daniel, I see a bit more of a formed character. Viktor is not developed enough to call him unique. But yeah... some more action and dialogue would work wonders, in my opinion... Maybe a little resistance, too. Anyway, this kind of story is one that I like, and if there will be a second part where they live their new lives, I would probably read it. I love domestic servitude stories. No need to apologize, this story is far from horrible. Some light grammatical errors, but pretty good for a random idea. ;) Just for me it's... not quite memorable enough yet. One last thing... I wouldn't have minded seeing the images of how the men are supposed to look, but I don't have Tumblr, so I got the "This contains sensitive media" message and was disallowed. Not a big deal, since this is what imaginations are for, but I imagine that I'm not the only one that's prevented from seeing this. To maximize the viewership, maybe there's a better way to link the images? Haha of course though, I don't want to be a hassle, do what is easiest for you! :) Yeah, I know I write alot for a comment, (and I could write more, though this is long enough lmao) but only because I'm really interested in the story! Don't read anything I say in a harsh or overly critical kind of way, please. :) I definitely think this shows promise. And of course, this is only my opinion. It's your story to do what you like with! :)

Its 2020 when will you update

I thought this was a really hot story, and it would be interesting to have a sequel in which we see that "Santa" sent the Himbo Muscle Gum to many other houses in the neighborhood as well. But I was a little confused about the characterization of Ben; when he was barking out orders to the other two, he didn't sound very much like a "himbo" to me. At one point, I even thought there was going to be some kind of twist where we'd discover that Ben was immune to the IQ-reducing component of the gum and was the one who actually sent it.

i volunteer as a test subject

Another hot tale! loved it, short and hot, instant like from me.

i do love your inductions. They feel so appropriate to the subject and the circumstance, very free flowing and natural. There is something very exciting about non-consensual mind control that makes this entire story arousing. i suppose it adds an element of the "bad boy" that so many us have a soft spot for. Maybe the successful use of non-consensual hypnosis, presumably something the subject has not committed to and may consciously oppose, adds a much greater sense of the power and skill of the hypnotist. In the case of this hypnotist the degree of control he has over the subconscious and even the autonomic nervous system of his enslaved subjects is incredible. All that said, without some new direction to the plot, i think you were right to stop this story at this point. Thanks so much for your imagination, your story-telling skill, and your willingness to share them with us. ~david

Me, too! I want to see where this goes.

oh I definitely have a few ideas especially involving permanent chastity and maybe some nipple piercings

oh this is great, thank you!

Love.