@MonsterMash62 - Fuck man, I just meant to write a quick jerk off story. Now I've got to be thinking about sequels! (Seriously, that's a good idea, I'll put it in the idea box, no promise if it'll ever happen.) @Transformheaven - Thank you sir. Probably not perfect, but good enough to share.

Thank you for your comments! @PupScout you make great points, and the sex drive of the soldiers is actually part of the development of the story. thank you for your tips :) @Lakritz24 I see what you mean, and I agree with you. this story is meant to be a dystopia, these are not good guys. I'll try to make that point clearer as it goes on

Another perfect story

Uih, sehr gefährliche Gedanken. Meiner Meinung nach hätte das so nicht gedacht, geschrieben und herausgegeben werden sollen. Oh-oh.

Hot as always! Feels like a part one maybe. Like part two would be the narrator figuring out what happened, or coming to term with the fact that his ideal guy wanted to string him along and make him do all the work. Be super hot to have him see the changes Ethan’s spell made in him too.

> I remember another omission from Book One that was removed on this site. Bowden emerged as the great one and after he evolved Murdock he planted a personal garden. It didn’t make sense for him to be creating competing Great Ones. Unless his seed would create just the Guard class of symbiotes. > Yes. Exactly why I removed it. Way back when I wrote it, I think I had the idea that he was planning to create a Warrior Class, but it just seemed superfluous in Book Two, so I cut it. > When the Sheriff told Snake the new great one would be a host We control, the Sheriff wasn’t talking about Snake and himself he meant himself and his ball residing symbiote. > Absolutely correct. Because of their human relationship, I think the Sheriff just expected the Deputy to submit to him and allow himself to be controlled by the Sheriff. But it turned out the Deputy held all the power (as bottoms always do) and all he had to do was patiently wait his turn. I'm not sure the Sheriff had always intended to make the Deputy a Great One -- you may remember, he'd only promised the Deputy a plant of his own when the time was right. It wasn't until he realized the Kansas Great One had created strategic flaws that I believe he amended his plan and decided to promote the Deputy, believing the Deputy easiest to control.

Decent idea, far better writing than most. Consider having them do some drinking, one of the four new guys tells a story about two others being in a game of gay chicken. The winner claims he's never been beaten More drinking, a spiral film, then group induction and suggestions. Darren or another can challenge the champion to a game of gay chicken, take it from there. Agree that talk of Alphas and Betas is off-putting. For now, I wouldn't worry about tightening and editing. Tell the story, get it out there, and do some tightening and editing later. Your writing is already well above-average. You can take some time to continue fleshing out the characters. I don't much like Ian's character right now, which means you've already built him enough to draw a reaction. Build the others as well. You're setting this up to be a slow burn, one of the more difficult genres but easily my favorite. You're writing a story, not a quick masturbation prompt.

Watching Snake dump a couple of loads in Deputy would have been hot. When the Sheriff told Snake the new great one would be a host We control, the Sheriff wasn't talking about Snake and himself he meant himself and his ball residing symbiote. I maybe interpreting wrong so unless the great Absman reveals his intentions it will just remain as an itch in our balls.

@MeatDawg - Thanks man! I wrote it after reading some screenwriting stuff, so I guess that structure bled through. Now, you gotta ask yourself - are you a dumbass cause you read these stories, or does this stuff get you off cuz you're a dumbass ;)

@TexMuscle, good catch with the cut vignette. I do have a hazy memory of reading a passage where the Great One was planting a personal garden, but the time between when I first found Pollination and Absman uploading it here is so long that I can't remember. I didn't even notice it was missing until you said something. I don't have anything concrete- just a hunch- but I'm willing to bet that the reason why that passage was removed because Absman, in the 15 years since he wrote Book I, changed the reproductive cycle of the symbionts. For the time being, though, I'm not going to commit my theory to writing because I don't want to tempt poor Absman into spoiling the story. I'm not sure there would be a reason for two Great Ones to come into conflict. The reason why queen bees do is because bee hives are concise, finite communities. Earth is pretty big, and Absman has hinted in the discussion thread for the series that there are parts of North America where a Host would be far enough away from Bowden in Kansas that he could very well be oblivious to Bowden's psychic influence. Presumably, there would need to be multiple Great Ones around the world to coordinate the global population of Hosts, each one strategically placed so that Hosts can't be potentially subject to multiple Great Ones' influence at the same time; vast empires of psychic alien god-kings and their hordes of adoring, mentally enslaved subjects... I'm excited to find out exactly what the result of Bowden and the Deputy presumably being on each other's radar will be, though... As to the situation with the Deputy... maybe. Maybe the Sheriff pumping load after load into him would've worked. But I'm still not sure the Sheriff having a pet Great One at his command would've been good, either. The Deputy basically confirmed that the Sheriff is a sociopath, or at least a manipulative, heartless bastard who knowingly and willingly played on the Deputy's feelings of love for him. As bad as Deputy Great One may be, the Sheriff probably would've been far worse. Snake feeling compelled to feed his "son" a load or two would've been a hot scene, and watching Rugby Boy struggle with a combination of arousal and jealousy at the sight would've been gut-wrenching.