Recent Comments

11/1/20, 10:47 AM
> I just thought that the mention that the Wizard was missing might be a subtle hint. > I considered having them discover him sitting in the car waiting, still obsessed with Vance, starving and filthy and afraid to leave the car for fear of the aliens (ala CUJO). But as you said... narrative clutter. Besides, Joe is a more experienced driver -- bet he bought his Jag from the Wizard, as well.
11/1/20, 5:45 AM
Great beginning! I look forward to the party and what happens next.
11/1/20, 2:04 AM
Shouldn't Ethan bring his mind altering device home with him & use it on his Mom and Dad. He could completely change their perception of Tommy & himself..Giving them 'new' memories of Tommy as their weak, nonathletic , little 'nerd' of a son, while remembering Ethan as their strong, manly, athletic 'man's-man' of a son. They would then see Tommy as a failure and want to send Ethan to room with him, so their manly boy could 'look after' his inferior brother, who has always been a disappointment to them...All the sports trophy's in Tommys room would of course belong to their athletic, strong & manly son Ethan !..This could also offer a [sexy] bonding experience between Ethan & his Dad, [something he had never experienced, but always had suspected was going-on between Tommy & Dad],,,This would be a good set-up and prelude to Ethan's return to college. Another possibly interesting plot twist would be if Ethan decides to 'zap' himself into seeing Tommy the way he has convinced Tommy to see himself [???]....Than at some later point he could decide to use the device to make him see himself as he wish's he was !!!....I would love it, when he looks at Tommy, he too now sees the weak little nonathletic unhung nerd that Tommy now see's himself as when he looks in the mirror...Ethan would than have no compunction in becoming the Bully that he feels Tommy might have been !!!.........Of course, you as a creative Author can disregard everything I'v written here..[just staying at home with Covid 19 fatigue !!!]
11/1/20, 12:45 AM
@Steve Shay: I understand your point about being too long, but there is a case of being too short as well. You want to use the words to build the world and the interactions within that world. This is a moment where another 1,000-1,500 words wouldn't have hurt but rather help the story out a bit.
10/31/20, 10:54 PM
> Frankly, I left him out of the story for the same reason I got rid of Mr. Mac – it was just one more character that I would have to deal with that I didn’t need. That's fair. Keeping around characters who have served their purpose creates narrative clutter. I just thought that the mention that the Wizard was missing might be a subtle hint. I'll be curious to learn his final fate come Chapter 21.
10/31/20, 10:22 PM
I agree that the installments are too short--but only because I want more of this each time! Among other things, it's so hot that Stuart now thinks of the hat as *his* and slips it on without really thinking about it! Super excited for the next installment!
10/31/20, 9:35 PM
this is so good! Please write another chapter
Nutiper
10/31/20, 9:12 PM
Gosh, I know I'm biased because I got to watch this story being written, but I just love how cozy & autumnal this feels. A spooky, nostalgic, melancholic atmosphere... Plus, I always relate so heavily each time I read this line: > The first time that Sawyer turned that smile on Lock, the young man hadn’t been sure whether he wanted to befriend him or *be* him. I love these characters!
Lakritz24
10/31/20, 9:12 PM
Great Idea! I am just thinking about my Father, he s like S8J s and i believe, he has been putting some over me.
Mark
10/31/20, 9:09 PM
Amazing start. Can't wait for the next part!