Recent Comments

Anonymous
10/24/20, 3:27 AM
Great story!! Loved it!!!!
Sexcrab
10/24/20, 3:04 AM
Luke was so easy to hypnotize that he may be secretly gay (or bisexual). The hypno master may be pulling the right strings without know.
boi98229
10/24/20, 2:07 AM
Hot! *Hotter!* Now what? I really like the way the story is progressing. The potential trap here now is making the abduction and confirmation of the 3rd slave just more of the same. For the last one, you will need to step up the game and make it substantially different (more!) than the first two. You will need to run into additional complications, such as discovery of the plot by an outside interest or a mild (but controllable?) rebellion involving one or all, or something more than you did during the abductions of the first two. I would also suggest that you start defining what it is that Daniel wants to do with his new slaves. Why did he want slaves? How is he going to run his household? What sort of relationships develop and evolve with the new circumstances for the three friends and for the new Master? Does Daniel have a playroom/dungeon? Are you going to paint a picture of the dungeon for the reader? How about the rest of the home and the grounds? Does it play an important role in the evolving story? What about sex!? ;)) How long do you want to make your story? How are you going to maintain interest for the reader? I am really curious and eager to see how you decide to develop the story!
10/24/20, 1:38 AM
>the comments are really a big spoiler in kind of way > I promise I haven't given any spoilers -- I've merely given us some things to think about...
10/24/20, 1:28 AM
Four beds huh? Sounds like there's room for a wild card. Can't wait.
10/24/20, 1:03 AM
> I think of the Deputy more as “Frankenstein’s Monster” than anything else at this point. When he comes to life, will his power be containable? The Sheriff seems to think so… the comments are really a big spoiler in kind of way, underline the different between the old and young. about the sheriff the ambitions can destroy but a good "villain" always has a plan B over his hands (maybe Survival of the fittest).
Thiago
10/24/20, 12:05 AM
I live to serve the virus
Server virus
10/24/20, 12:04 AM
I live to serve the virus
10/23/20, 11:59 PM
I like this low key transistion. Lenoldi and the Coach, then to Snake and my dear Rugby Boy, only to be followed by the soldiers, and then....her. My heart sank. But it was so good. Do I trust her? At this point, I do. I didn't think I'd ever be interested in seeing her again, but now I look forward to seeing her again (and those are rare words in my life) On the flip side, I didn't like the feminization of the soldiers: "honey," throwing a kiss, sashay. Every other character seems to be growing in his masculinity (even Tully lol) and that just didn't fit.
Anonymous
10/23/20, 11:50 PM
Yes, you're confusing words like their/there, affect/effect and wear/where. The grammar checker is usually needed to pick up those cases of homophone confusion.