Recent Comments

9/29/20, 7:10 PM
Love to see a follow up of 19 as the gentleman's care-giver
9/29/20, 6:56 PM
i loved this story. hope there is a sequel
Anonymous
9/29/20, 6:41 PM
This was really sweet. This was simple, calm, and hot and I mean that in the best way possible. It was smartly written and not over the top. Rereading it makes you realize that there were clues, like how it all connects. I want to know who wrote it :D
Anonymous
9/29/20, 6:28 PM
I'm more curious about the other son. I honestly would hope to see some kind of twist with him. Maybe he's like Bob is now, pretending to be an Alpha only around others, but is already a Beta deep down? Maybe he's gay or bi? Something that makes him stand distinctly apart from the other two.
Anonymous
9/29/20, 5:54 PM
Amazing story! I hope we hear the stories of other rubber drones!
Anonymous
9/29/20, 5:33 PM
I absolutely loved this. I actually didn't mind not having the prequel/lead up at all, some prefer the journey and others the destination! In any case I really hope you enjoyed writing this and I hope you keep it up!
blankbot
9/29/20, 5:31 PM
Thanks for writing this. A rubber beard--sexy!
bimarguy
9/29/20, 3:31 PM
yes this was a great opening for a series . sorry to hear about the cancer hunter hope all is well . and if anyone gets a mask let us know lol
9/29/20, 2:13 PM
Excellent story! I can't wait to read more about the adventures of Smokepig and his brother Avatars.
nycboot
9/29/20, 1:21 PM
I'm a sucker for sentimentality so I love the love interest so far. BUT. Apologies if I come off too strong here. You're writing this as if this is a screenplay to a film or video. There's lots of quick, very disorienting jump cuts, lots of juxtapositions that superficially don't make any sense until you get close to the end. That's typical of a modern screenplay. You're making lots of assumptions that the reader will recognize this kind of dialogue (from film which is only where it appears) and once recognized, will go along with it. It does not read well as literature. I find it distances and thereby removes this reader (and probably others) from the story. To be sure, plenty of writers had the same idea well before the invention of motion pictures, but they understood that each "fragment" had to have internal coherence *as literature*. (I'm thinking of Hugo's **Les Misérables** with its four diversionary episodes, particularly the most famous one, the tour of the Waterloo battlefield which seemingly has nothing to do with the story.) One should be able to go back and read this dialogue to get a better understanding of what's happening - but alas, it's dialogue pulled from an imaginary video, which I find is a poor substitute for actual literary writing. Writing can do amazing things when it's not trying to imitate another medium (such as film) but is mining its own idiomatic nature. I encourage you to think of these issues as we continue to follow Jace & Tuy.