Recent Comments

nycboot
9/29/20, 1:21 PM
I'm a sucker for sentimentality so I love the love interest so far. BUT. Apologies if I come off too strong here. You're writing this as if this is a screenplay to a film or video. There's lots of quick, very disorienting jump cuts, lots of juxtapositions that superficially don't make any sense until you get close to the end. That's typical of a modern screenplay. You're making lots of assumptions that the reader will recognize this kind of dialogue (from film which is only where it appears) and once recognized, will go along with it. It does not read well as literature. I find it distances and thereby removes this reader (and probably others) from the story. To be sure, plenty of writers had the same idea well before the invention of motion pictures, but they understood that each "fragment" had to have internal coherence *as literature*. (I'm thinking of Hugo's **Les Misérables** with its four diversionary episodes, particularly the most famous one, the tour of the Waterloo battlefield which seemingly has nothing to do with the story.) One should be able to go back and read this dialogue to get a better understanding of what's happening - but alas, it's dialogue pulled from an imaginary video, which I find is a poor substitute for actual literary writing. Writing can do amazing things when it's not trying to imitate another medium (such as film) but is mining its own idiomatic nature. I encourage you to think of these issues as we continue to follow Jace & Tuy.
Anonymous
9/29/20, 12:56 PM
I live to serve the virus
9/29/20, 12:37 PM
Glad to see another well-written abdl daddy/diaperboy story here. I agree that a prequel would be fun. Would also love to see a follow up where the hypnosis mentally regresses Levi further.
9/29/20, 12:24 PM
\*shrug* To each their own. The point of the story/kink is that the idiots *don't* get their comeuppance.
James
9/29/20, 12:21 PM
This was so so good. Solid simple premise about betraying trust. Hot descriptions that aren't overdetailed, drowning out the pacing. And the odd juxtaposition between Jesse thinking he's in control, and his absolute oblivious reprogramming was a nice twist on the genre. Made me click the author to see your other stories, but sadly, Author Hidden
Hunter_C_Wolfe@Hotmail.Com
9/29/20, 12:09 PM
Having cancer, smoking is one area I avoid. Everything else about being controlled & changing sounds hot. I would readily put on this mask if it was sent to me: Hunter Wolfe 1779 Kirby Parkway Unit 1-118 Memphis, TN 38138 No harm in trying, right?
Anonymous
9/29/20, 12:04 PM
I live to serve the Virus
9/29/20, 11:29 AM
Rubber and cigars normally don't excite me, but this story is very sexy and well written.
Anonymous
9/29/20, 11:17 AM
this story seems backwards. there's a difference when it comes to dominant and just wannabe idiots with magic powers. this is the latter. the story remains unsatisfying as the idiot never gets his comeuppance.
The author
9/29/20, 10:40 AM
Jeez not replying to your comments is hard :') So I logged out to do so without ruining the surprise. Thanks for your feedback, originally I planned on shifting focus between the two, but having two pov's is something I was having my doubts about and being able to be anonymous made my try something new, best not repeat it ;) Thanks again!