Recent Comments

Anonymous
9/21/20, 2:27 PM
Argh, just as it gets started it stops again! :’) Like the writing style and you’re throwing out some nice kernels of intrigue, but we get very little pay off in this first chapter (and I’m not even just talking a lack of sex) Looking forward to seeing what chapter 2 brings, though. There’s definite promise in what we’ve got so far, we just need moooooore ;)
9/21/20, 1:48 PM
So... It's really hard to read when you don't divide it into more paragraphs. Just seeing that one big one makes it easy to lose your place. When writing you should always start a new paragraph whenever someone new is speaking.
9/21/20, 1:47 PM
The level of obedience from just a spiral felt a lil unrealistic. Regardless though I enjoyed the chapter and definitely had fun reading 😉
Anonymous
9/21/20, 1:47 PM
Loved this! Will we see more of Fandagh and Jonas? I hope we do, there's a lot of meat here!
9/21/20, 1:22 PM
fantastic series
Anonymous
9/21/20, 12:26 PM
Love the direction that the story is taking, so can’t wait to see where it’s going to go next! That said, this part feels like it could have benefitted from some more editing, especially in the second half. There are places where punctuation starts to drift off and things needed a second take to make sense. With a little more honing in that area this could go from a good story to a great one!
9/21/20, 12:25 PM
I enjoyed chapter 2..looking forward to Collin being in love with Ian and turn against Jay. Would be fun to get Collin to flex in front of Ian just to annoy Jay.. My only negative in the chapters is the guys talking about alphas and betas.. I don't think in the 'real world' you would say it out loud as doesn't feel natural, and as someone else said some tightening up with editing and punctuation. People like this series so I imagine they would be happy to help with editing if you asked. Good work!
9/21/20, 12:05 PM
super hot! I love it!
9/21/20, 11:24 AM
Awesome chapter! I found the projector scene to be very hot. Take your time, and keep up the great work!
9/21/20, 10:54 AM
> I wonder if that will lead to an inter-pollinated conflict down the road. > Hmmm......