Recent Comments

9/13/20, 10:44 AM
> I’ve always been a fan of this and can’t wait to see where it goes! > Me, too! It took me four chapters to cycle through all the subplots and reintroduce the cast. Whatever else this behemoth has, it's got a lot of characters. I feel a little like the Dostoyevski of gay porn. In this case, I know where I want to end up, but haven't worked out all the details yet of how I'm going to get there. As I did the first time I worked on this series, I'm letting the characters tell me what's next. So far, that seems to be working. Thank you for hanging in -- we'll see what happens together!
9/13/20, 10:18 AM
> The diversion from the narrative was fantastic. I smiled all the way through it thinking, “I want to be able to write like this one day.” > This Narrative Diversion (and the one in Chapter 9) is my Tom Robbins influence. Clearly I was reading something of his at the time to so clearly emulate his voice. I've always admired the way he plays with words and constructs his ideas. To me, the narrative break underscores how lost I was as an author -- how I felt I was losing control. I tried very hard to get rid of these breaks (here and next chapter) and I successfully edited them down, but couldn't rid myself of them completely -- there is vital information contained in both. I just feel they disrupt the flow. Glad you like it! > Now to jerk off to this and in the spirit of the story, I’m using coconut oil. > Hahaha! Well done!
9/13/20, 10:09 AM
Agreed with the two suggestions above. The last section felt especially rushed, more like a story outline than an actual story. Also, this would be a perfect story in which to give us some of the protagonist's interior monologue--right now, the reader is a little distanced from what Jeremy is actually thinking and feeling. Finally, when writing a story that will be read online, shorter paragraphs tend to work better. But the premise here is very hot, and you should be congratulated on writing your first story!
9/13/20, 9:23 AM
oh man,I hope Dan somehow let's Bob stay an alpha,even on his knees. He can still be a proud nordic warrior by serving a greater master. Great chapter,showed Bob's internal conflict. Really liked the idea of tricking Bob into obeying by playing into his alpha nature
Anonymous
9/13/20, 9:22 AM
I agree with previous comment, slow down and savor each scene, and build on it. good idea, but it was rushed.
Anonymous
9/13/20, 4:50 AM
Great story! It was really interesting to see a bottom that acted like a top, it ain't that common to read over here. You should totally do an epilogue if you want.
Evan
9/13/20, 2:41 AM
It's a Wrestlr story. Enough said. Gradual, immersive building story, subtle and fun. And hot as hell, of course. Great use of mind control and letting go to have some horny fun. Awesome.
9/13/20, 1:34 AM
Ah, I am so glad you decided to add feet into this <3
9/13/20, 1:32 AM
I've waited so long for this series to be continued, i can wait for more. I've always been a fan of this and can't wait to see where it goes!
9/13/20, 1:05 AM
Damn, I loved that! From beginning to end. The diversion from the narrative was fantastic. I smiled all the way through it thinking, "I want to be able to write like this one day." And another evolution about to take place. Hot hot hot...a 5 starrer in all categories! Now to jerk off to this and in the spirit of the story, I'm using coconut oil.