Recent Comments

9/3/20, 5:26 PM
@Pawn, the character arc doesnt even have to be that extreme or anything. You can show some small indications that Alex is getting resigned to his fate. Like for example maybe he stops getting mad about jerking off to gay porn as he's just used to getting turned on to it by now, or maybe he's starting to backtalk a lot less. Your teaser for this end chapter is pretty interesting too, because having a third person knowing about Alex's predicament introduces some new potential dynamics with this John character. So your story has a lot of potential! If youre having any problems and concerns, shoot me a message or a comment. Maybe I can provide you with more suggestions
Anonymous
9/3/20, 4:52 PM
Fucking hot!
9/3/20, 4:23 PM
can't wait for the next chapter.
9/3/20, 4:18 PM
> Excited to see you reposting this in smaller chunks. > I know. However it got here in the first place -- I didn't originally post this story here -- they threw it up in one big chunk, nearly 80K words! It was a little daunting, so I wanted to make it more welcoming to the first time reader. Also, I've done a substantial amount of rewriting. > For now, the characters seem to have kept their original names, so I’m interested to see when that changes. > It could have with the Sheriff. Mark Lane is a person I know (knew) IRL -- the guy who inspired the story MILK MAN, as a matter of fact. That's actually the reason I decided to leave the Sheriff's name alone -- homage. I'll let you know who's real and who's not as we go along. W.B is also a real person, whose real name I don't know (someone I knew from the MGS site -- WBHulk -- who wrote a lot of fun Hulk-sex stories -- so I gave him a cameo in this). > I can’t wait to read the new chapters you’re writing. > There are nine sections of BOOK ONE -- I'll post a section a day -- and then I have four sections done of BOOK TWO -- I'll post them once a week. Hopefully, I can keep that schedule.
BPtime
9/3/20, 3:44 PM
Sizzling hot stuff. Great buildup from the start.
9/3/20, 3:42 PM
Excited to see you reposting this in smaller chunks. For now, the characters seem to have kept their original names, so I'm interested to see when that changes. I love re-reading this story that's gotten me off so many times, and I can't wait to read the new chapters you're writing.
9/3/20, 3:40 PM
I think the edits to this chapter really improved it. I didn't feel like the OnlyFans ad at the end was in bad taste, but I wonder if there could be more erotic ways to tie that into a storyline. For instance, I'd love to see DickSlave write a 1st person story describing an ordinary straight college boy's transformation into an exhibitionistic gay slut who loves showing off on his OnlyFans.
9/3/20, 3:37 PM
You two raise good points. Perhaps it's not that it's too short, but that it's too short on interesting scenes compared to how long it is. I'll have to see how it goes when revising. And I'm definitely trying to give Alex some sort of character arc. It's challenging. I wish someone would put me in this situation, then I could just write about my first hand experience.
BPtime
9/3/20, 3:23 PM
Masterly, in more ways than one.
Swizzington
9/3/20, 3:18 PM
Yeah the ending on this story leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's one thing to discreetly leave a link to your patreon or whatever at the start, but to actually tie it into the narrative just rubs me the wrong way. Seems like this is less of a story and more of an advertisement.