Recent Comments

9/3/20, 3:37 PM
You two raise good points. Perhaps it's not that it's too short, but that it's too short on interesting scenes compared to how long it is. I'll have to see how it goes when revising. And I'm definitely trying to give Alex some sort of character arc. It's challenging. I wish someone would put me in this situation, then I could just write about my first hand experience.
BPtime
9/3/20, 3:23 PM
Masterly, in more ways than one.
Swizzington
9/3/20, 3:18 PM
Yeah the ending on this story leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's one thing to discreetly leave a link to your patreon or whatever at the start, but to actually tie it into the narrative just rubs me the wrong way. Seems like this is less of a story and more of an advertisement.
9/3/20, 2:27 PM
I echo Kyle's suggestion - there should be some evolution in Alex's attitude or character. Also, if you drive him to cracking - which would happen eventually, you should have a plan how to rebuild him afterwards.
9/3/20, 1:56 PM
No, they have a point. I have expanded the story (pending review) to hopefully make it less rushed.
Anonymous
9/3/20, 1:36 PM
I don't think the OnlyFans really matters. He's been advertising it the whole time, he just integrated it this time. The story was short but good and he might make some money off it, so what?
Aug 31, 2020
9/3/20, 12:51 PM
great story, wish I was invited to that party.
9/3/20, 12:49 PM
I hope you are doing better now
Apr 19, 2010
9/3/20, 12:48 PM
Love this. Wish there is a sequel with the other boys and their dads.
9/3/20, 12:46 PM
Very hot chapter! I'm so glad that you decided to continue Hypnothrill's awesome series.