You are an excellent descriptive writer! You had me hard & leaking the hole time. I "fell" into the story easily and it felt like I was actually there. Keep up the great work and I want to read more stories!

The title of this chapter, "A Long Night," is perfect and connects well with the plot action. The concept of the night is rich with possibility in terms of skewing reality, altering perceptions, and of course engaging in dreams and nightmares. Cameron, Dakota, and Zack have already undergone significant physical changes before night descends. Marooned in the wilderness, they must pass hours of darkness in a claustrophobia-inducing cabin. Increasingly strange incidents unfold, warping the men's sense of themselves. There is no guarantee that they will be able to return to their previous lives. The chapter is very well written to take advantage of the conceptual possibilities of the night. The word "focus" appears 14 times in the chapter, which is an excellent indicator of how perception slips through the night. Cameron loses his focus, passing through what is almost a fever-dream. He no longer has a firm grip on his senses. In fact, the concept of perception is important as the bodies of the men seem to now be linked in some way. Their physical forms are changing thanks to the magical lotion and perhaps due to the location of the cabin. Cameron's perception is linked with theirs, which is a new and disorienting situation. Cameron is unable to focus without the assistance of Dakota and Zack. As they share and swap their bodies, they rely on one another more and more to experience pleasure and to satisfy basic physical needs such as orgasm and even urination. In fact, the word "pleasure" appears 36 times in the chapter and "feel" 42 times! Focus, pleasure, and feeling are the dominant themes of a long night lost in dreams and hallucinations. It will be interesting to see what takes place with the breaking of dawn. Will the three friends' bodies permanently join? What will happen with the detachable hyper cock? Now that sexual pleasure seems to be diffused through their entire bodies, what will happen to how the men's overall sense perception and reasoning abilities? How will they continue to relate to one another and will they learn more about the lotion they used and the wilderness where they find themselves? There are so many possibilities and thanks to the story's great set up the coming chapters will certainly be interesting!

Because this is such a plain vanilla hypnosis story, you need to add some elements that will give it more of an original flavor. Adding more backstory to the characters will help. What are their personalities? Why does William have the impulse to turn his old friends into a "slave army"? Right now, I can see how the story would be very hot for an author who's identifying with William and picturing some of his own man-crushes being controlled by William. But because the characters are so thinly drawn, the story's not really conveying that excitement to other readers. Spending more time on the hypnotic induction and Logan's responses might also help. Maybe you could introduce some actual narrative tension by having Logan resist some of the hypnotic commands, so that William has to figure out how to convince him to obey. Finally, make sure to proofread your work or use Discord to ask for a proofreader. There were a lot of spelling mistakes, missing words, etc. I hope you take all this criticism in the constructive manner it was intended and keep on writing!

Nice one, hoping it might continue

Sehr geile Story - die darf auch gerne weitergehen!

I wasn't a big fan of Trent in the beginning, but I came around to rooting for him here--I think I would have been disappointed if this one ended on a darker note. Great series!

i waited so long for this, very hot

so i absolutely love this story! its very hot and plays with the dumbing down idea is SUCH A GREAT way. i find myself wishing it were me as i touch myself getting lost in this story. I cant wait to see how it ends up!

Interesting premise for a story and I'd like to join in but was wondering if there are any rules for this universe?

Hope you finish this story and the other! They're sooo good