Recent Comments

8/29/20, 12:29 PM
Oh, so that's the explanation for the hooker, good! We starting to see Jay take a bit more pro-active role, but he is still the chew toy of everyone else. Please continue, this is a really good story!
8/29/20, 12:29 PM
I'll preface my comments by saying that I'm not a big fan of this genre; if you've got an antagonist or protagonist who can change reality with the blink of an eye, then I have a hard time caring what happens, since the other characters' actions no longer seem to matter. That's basically the problem I had with this conclusion as well. That said, I really have enjoyed this series as a whole. Along the way, you had some really nice transformation and world-changing scenes, especially near the beginning of Jafar's reign.
8/29/20, 12:27 PM
Oh! I'm sorry; it was clearer in my head than it must have been when written; when Jake/Jafar and Marcus are back on stage, he still has his new cock, and his muscle. Jafar/Jake allowed him to play with reality - just to see what Marcus would cook up; their disappointment was in how safe he'd chosen to be - imagine wanting to change something about yourself for your entire life; changing it and winding up EXACTLY the same?! Marcus has no imagination; so Jake/Jafar showed him what he could have had... and then took them back to the stage where he'd just been given his dream peen.
EJG
8/29/20, 12:20 PM
Oh how wonderful and horny this story was. Thoroughly enjoyed it. But one little thing took a bit of shine off 4 me.. any allusions to bestial/werewolf changes and what a shame you took away Marcus' muscles and cock. That last chapter of him growing was so freaking hot. But still, thats my own picky thoughts. Was a masterpiece anyhow.
Evan
8/29/20, 11:23 AM
Fantastic concept, very hot. And awesome you for putting up something not in your native language. That's tough. I know little about it but I'm not sure that AI assist is your friend here. A few times the story changed from the reader observing action to having something happening to them ("you/your"). Perhaps someone in the community can help with format and proofing. All the same, you published a story and that takes a lot of guts. And, to say it again, the idea is super hot. I'd love to see more.
Anonymous
8/29/20, 8:47 AM
Oh well. Seems its at an end (for now?). Shame. Hot stuff for the moasochist in me
8/29/20, 8:44 AM
I enjoyed the slow build up through this story and anticipation about what memories might be implanted. Great climax but it definitely left me wanting more!
8/29/20, 8:14 AM
The main idea is super hot! I agree with Hypnothril's comment, though. But in saying that, doing proper world-building is very hard, I myself struggle with it as well. Trying to find a proper balance between "action" and "background stuff" is hard. What I would've done with this story was maybe dividing it into a few sections and/or chapters. The first part could focus on Aaron as a person and how he experiences the world from his home, for example you mention a newspaper in that part, I was very curious how that still came to him and what a news source would say in that context. That news source can also be used to bring some action into your story. For example the news could show one of the zombies. As Aaron leaves the house you can take some time to really describe the world around him through his eyes, maybe even let him witness some of the zombies if you want some action. In the second part you can start building a bit of a relationship between Aaron and Caleb, maybe let them walk around a bit first. After that you can let them have an encounter with the zombies like what happened in this story. A third part could zoom in on Caleb again and his pov. Those are just some tips that you could maybe use as well in a different story :) As for the grammar and language: consider using something like Grammarly, even the free version is very good at finding mistakes and weird things in your text. And, if you want to be sure, have a look at the proofreaders in our Discord ;) To end on a positive note, this story's setting is really up my alley and I am very excited to see what other stories you will produce in the future! I hope we will be fortunate enough to see your growth as an author on here :)
8/29/20, 5:52 AM
Fckin' hot! I am a cigar smokin' nipple man n was just waiting for the beercan Dad to stretch out the new boys hole. I've been waiting for a great story like this! Thank You! More Please!
8/29/20, 5:43 AM
Setup has me anxious. Though curious why took time with and how see Jake had pettiness to work out and other stuff.