Recent Comments

8/29/20, 5:40 AM
The mid switch feels it took TOTAL advantage of the magical setup as to just having them hook up.
Anonymous
8/29/20, 1:19 AM
Way too rushed. Very bad grammar. Tenses all over the place. Sorry I had to give up reading it.
8/29/20, 1:08 AM
A rather interesting premise for a story, plus you opened it up for community writing. I think I might take your world and write some stories for this (whenever time alots). Please keep working and writing this story; I'm interested in seeing where you take it.
cnycheckin
8/29/20, 12:30 AM
damn, my nipples have never done anything for me but reading the story gave me a great boner. always wondered what it would be like to be wired like that!
8/29/20, 12:30 AM
I like all the directions this can go in. The mansion's basement sounds fun. I hope it has a big shower.
8/29/20, 12:25 AM
that was a good story, but I don't like messing with people messing with moral compasses
Alex Lat
8/28/20, 10:35 PM
@Hypnothrill , thank you for taking the time to read, I am a big fan of your work, A Very Meaty Christmas is my favorite, and I will take everything into consideration for the next time. Thank you for reading
8/28/20, 9:23 PM
The concept here is good. It's just too rushed. There needed to be some more world-building at the beginning, so the reader got a clearer sense of the situation Aaron was in and what he had witnessed (seeing friends and neighbors transform into muscle zombies). And then it would have helped to have spent more time building the relationship between Aaron and Caleb, since that becomes important in the final part of the story. One last suggestion: rather than having a POV switch 2/3 of the way through this chapter, it would have worked better to have just saved Caleb's story for Chapter 2.