Recent Comments

8/1/20, 10:53 PM
I feel a few problems with this story. One is the General geting recruits seems farfetched; even if it were a special project, a General as the head of a project wouldn't get recruits. He leaved that to lower ranking soldiers. You do a good job with the building up over the story, but I didn't really feel the payoff in the end of the story; it might work over a series of episodes better.
8/1/20, 10:03 PM
> I just feel like the story needs more room to breathe. > I agree completely -- what a very hot premise! There are three distinct chapters within this chapter and they could all be fleshed out. 1) The brothers' disappearance and ultimately, the taking of our protaganist, ending as he arrives at the facility. 2) The first few days in training -- we see the General (might be smarter to make him a drill sergeant, instead) changing some of the recruits. 3) The protaganists change and finding his bros. This is a REALLY erotic and promising start! Please continue.
8/1/20, 9:59 PM
I really liked how real you made the characters. It was a really interesting idea. I would have loved to have known more about the gorilla boy, but you captured the longing to fit in and be needed very well. Great job.
Dec 7, 2019
8/1/20, 9:41 PM
VERY Juicy story, man.
Jul 27, 2020
8/1/20, 9:21 PM
Loved this. Well done Fella.
8/1/20, 9:07 PM
hehe, I can see the Black Mirror comparative. Clever / ironic use of 1st person as a narrative device. Well done Sir.
8/1/20, 8:57 PM
very hot ending and was not thinking about changing their names like that. I found the other members in town hot would love to more added to this story form people for sure. Also I like how short each part was nice easy read and loved it.
8/1/20, 8:53 PM
Thanks for the feedback Hypnothrill! I keep looking for a proper balance in keeping a proper pace in the stories and explaining it all. This is my longest story so far, so I'm slowly getting to that sweet spot ;)
Nov 24, 2019
8/1/20, 8:51 PM
Juicy stuff
8/1/20, 8:49 PM
There are so many hot ideas in this story! I love the premise of this secret army filled with obedient, dumbed-down super soldiers. I just feel like the story needs more room to breathe. If it were closer to 10000 words, then you'd be able to spend more time on characterization, physical descriptions, creating suspense, and conveying how Andrew is feeling.