Recent Comments

7/25/20, 2:44 AM
Loving the story, one point, he has been loving his change all along and suddenly wants escape. I'm not sure there has been enough build for that change of attitude yet. Don't stop though, I admit I secretly hope he revisits his own fantasy and embraces the change again, especially since the story has already laid the background that he has not yet fully reached is maximum potential.
Swizzington
7/25/20, 2:17 AM
Haha, this is funny! I've actually been in the process of writing my own story with VERY similar photography themes, based on the "Say Cheese and Die!" book. Looks like you beat me to it :-)
nycboot
7/25/20, 1:51 AM
Such beautiful writing. e.g. ""...my rosebud opened to my Lord." For me, the spiritual context makes the actions all the more powerful and potent. Really beautiful.
7/25/20, 1:41 AM
please keep this series going ... you write well, and your stories are hot. i do like the direction that this fun is going in and would live to see Jay have some fun with the twins. maybe he dominates one to be his and leaves the other alone and he is unaware his brother has been taken?
7/25/20, 1:02 AM
Just a tiny red dot. Power in darkness hidden by size. So much better than the usual spiral or interference screen. There are many reader comments on this site after a good story such as "take me!!" "I want to join that gym" "how do I get some of that" etc. It's guys in real life wanting their fantasies to come true, to be in that story, regardless the cost. And now we see Strong doing it. Giving in to his fantasy. Excited about the new him balanced with just the right amount of nervousness. Just a red dot...and he happily gave into it. Bravo! As would we all!!
7/25/20, 12:27 AM
everything I do is intentional. I have a plan to tie this prequel series into the first series and shed some light as to Jay's intentions with the first series.
7/25/20, 12:11 AM
> So basically Strong should have either run away with Prince (who based on this chapter might have actually done it), or at least took Prince with him as backup > See Chapter 25
7/25/20, 12:03 AM
The writing is good, but I'm a little confused. Jay comes off as a sadistic dude in the original series and doesn't care what happens to his stepdad. Yet here, he clearly cares about what happens with Mr. Turner, he even goes so far as to embrace him in a caring way. I think you need to establish where that change in Jay happens that makes him become a sadistic person, or explain why he care's so much for Mr. Turner. Side note, I personally thin Jay should put the twins under cause they seem like they're taking advantage of Jay, and I don't believe for a second that they deleted the video off their phone.
7/24/20, 11:15 PM
Damn fine print. LOL.
7/24/20, 11:13 PM
This whole Story reminds me of "Addicted to S.T.U.D.", which was the first story of yours i ever read. And that reminds me of the original "Total Recall" movie... So basically Strong should have either run away with Prince (who based on this chapter might have actually done it), or at least took Prince with him as backup (though that might have been putting him in too much danger). Fingers crossed for a happy ending, but like S.T.U.D. I'm more expecting an ambiguous or bittersweet one.