Recent Comments

7/23/20, 12:51 AM
> After that line I’ll just let my erection lead the way. > SUCCESS!!!!
7/23/20, 12:37 AM
you’ll take Prince for a wife—or maybe your slave. After that line I'll just let my erection lead the way.
7/23/20, 12:22 AM
> So just going to put this out there, I’d buy a physical copy of this story. > I would love someone to do a comic book version! There are a couple visual adaptations of POLLINATION out there that I cherish. This story would be an amazing graphic novel.
7/23/20, 12:16 AM
>Also, this chapter has a fantastic title. > Hahaha -- very Monty Python, no? Thanks, I think I'm good at titles. And I have fun with sub-titles...
7/23/20, 12:05 AM
> Not to say this isn’t a dream come true for Strong or many of the readers (myself included), but man does this guy need a hug and a pat on the back. > Let me first say that your analysis is excellent! I agree that Brad seems largely benign, and in his defense (tho you don't know it yet), next chapter he gives Strong some good advice that Strong would be wise to take. > (its all very noir actually, and I’m curious if that’s on purpose.) > I was initially trying to confuse the reader about what was real and what wasn't. Was Strong really being mind-controlled? Was it simple motivational cues or something more insidious? I didn't want a clear answer until much later in the story. If there's one thing I do well, it's create an air of paranoia (see CYCLE ONE). Noir makes me sound artsy. Thank you!
7/22/20, 11:54 PM
So just going to put this out there, I'd buy a physical copy of this story. Though I'm sure I'll end up getting some pages stuck together.
7/22/20, 11:38 PM
(This comment should probably be on the previous chapter, but eh) Am i weird for feeling bad for Strong? yeah, he knew he wasn't joining a regular gym, but he ends up getting caught up in everyone else's drama, issues, and BS, not to mention a war between the muscleheads and the gym bunnies, where everyone is using him to fight their battles or solve their problems, with no consideration for him or his needs. The gym bunnies want to use him to tip the scales, and also to whore him out, and they're going to rape him to do it. Dr. V mind fucks him without his consent (and possibly inserts an alternate past into his mind), and pretty much views him as his prize bull, including literally giving him to Woody. Woody wants a dom-top boyfriend and is forcing that on him without consideration for his wellbeing or mental state, using drugs, hypnosis, and more drugs to do so. Palumbo is using him to prove to everyone else that his methods are right, and also that he's not dumb/ they're not as smart as they think they are. The nicest guy is Brad, but he refuses to actually help in any meaningful way or to warn him about any of this. Even the "retinal scanner is a mind control" joke(?) blurs the lines and basically starts the non-stop fever dream that Strong has found himself in. Not to say this isn't a dream come true for Strong or many of the readers (myself included), but man does this guy need a hug and a pat on the back. (Its all very noir actually, and I'm curious if that's on purpose.)
Anonymous
7/22/20, 11:37 PM
i cant wait for the next part
7/22/20, 9:28 PM
> You goddamn tease. That ended way too soon. > Mwah-ha-ha-ha. <-- evil, villainous laughter Actually, Derek, thank you. You've given me an opportunity to do a WRITING 101 blurb, something I've been looking for the excuse to talk about since I've started reposting this series. In APOLLYON, I've taken a serial "trick" and structured each chapter so that the front half of the chapter deals with the cliff-hanger from the previous chapter, while the back half of the chapter sets up the next cliff-hanger. It's a "page-turning" technique that really works well. A Chapter normally has a beginning, a middle, and an end, even though it's part of a bigger work. A reader should be able to close the book at the end of a chapter and feel like they've reached a breathing point, a pause, or a change of focus. The technique I've employed -- comic book fans recognize it -- forces the reader to move forward, and there's rarely a chance to catch their breath. As you noted, it also speeds up the pace. This chapter is the same size as the others 3000-4000 words, but as we move closer and closer to the denouement, it feels like it's less.
7/22/20, 7:54 PM
most enjoyable