Recent Comments

7/22/20, 9:28 PM
> You goddamn tease. That ended way too soon. > Mwah-ha-ha-ha. <-- evil, villainous laughter Actually, Derek, thank you. You've given me an opportunity to do a WRITING 101 blurb, something I've been looking for the excuse to talk about since I've started reposting this series. In APOLLYON, I've taken a serial "trick" and structured each chapter so that the front half of the chapter deals with the cliff-hanger from the previous chapter, while the back half of the chapter sets up the next cliff-hanger. It's a "page-turning" technique that really works well. A Chapter normally has a beginning, a middle, and an end, even though it's part of a bigger work. A reader should be able to close the book at the end of a chapter and feel like they've reached a breathing point, a pause, or a change of focus. The technique I've employed -- comic book fans recognize it -- forces the reader to move forward, and there's rarely a chance to catch their breath. As you noted, it also speeds up the pace. This chapter is the same size as the others 3000-4000 words, but as we move closer and closer to the denouement, it feels like it's less.
7/22/20, 7:54 PM
most enjoyable
7/22/20, 7:04 PM
You goddamn tease. That ended way too soon.
7/22/20, 5:51 PM
-drools- SOOO HOT
Quinn
7/22/20, 5:17 PM
I wonder, were you trying to be too clever? In chapter six, Jake called the person who discovered the lamp in his worst case scenario a "weak, little, insignificant human" and it stuck out like a sore thumb to me. I honestly thought you were setting up the fact that during their brain connection moments, parts of Jafar had been slipping into Jake and vice versa. Them merging in this chapter kinda made me feel like you'd been trying to tease it out. Or am I reading too much into it?
7/22/20, 4:23 PM
I really loved this story! The ending might be a little rushed (that phone/Internet plot sounds kinda hot) but I'm really glad you didn't bait-switch Jafar out of the ending. Also, just from personal preference, it was good to see a Jake as a character who was pretty much into the domination from the start.
Anonymous
7/22/20, 3:30 PM
u really think a man from england who gets hard over every man he sees with a bit of muscle is more interestin than a genie on the way to becoming a god? k then this story started really strong but it feels like u tried to wrap everything up too quick. its like u got bored of it. i didn't like the end, but everythin leading up to it was great. Id use my wish to make you come up with a better way to finsh it.
7/22/20, 3:06 PM
Definitely need more of this series
7/22/20, 1:53 PM
Glad to see this pop up in the archive stories. One of my favorite bro-ification tales.
nycboot
7/22/20, 1:40 PM
I liked so much of this story but I think it fell apart at the end because you asked too much of the audience. If an author starts a story laying out the ground rules (e.g. this is a genie who engages in magic) then the reader can accept that and go along with it. But once you start changing those rules and making more impossible demands it becomes more difficult for the reader to believe it. This reminds me of the problem with nearly all television shows. Unlike movies (which focus on plot), television shows focus more on character. Once their characters are established, most tv writers have a limited amount of possibilities for what their character can do. Everyone knows that once that has been exhausted, tv writers start introducing new characters so that their original creations will have something more to show. It's the sign that the writers have reach the limits of their creativity and that the series's end is due soon. Coming back to this story, I think you took a limited path by naming the series after Jafar. He's pretty one-dimensional. Jake on the other hand is young enough (and a little careless) that we experience multiple facets to his personality. He's the one that thinks freely, balancing common sense with his dick. I would go as far to say that Jafar and Jake's mind-meld is probably the only thing that made Jafar interesting. Ultimately I think Jake is a much more interesting character.