Recent Comments

7/22/20, 11:38 PM
(This comment should probably be on the previous chapter, but eh) Am i weird for feeling bad for Strong? yeah, he knew he wasn't joining a regular gym, but he ends up getting caught up in everyone else's drama, issues, and BS, not to mention a war between the muscleheads and the gym bunnies, where everyone is using him to fight their battles or solve their problems, with no consideration for him or his needs. The gym bunnies want to use him to tip the scales, and also to whore him out, and they're going to rape him to do it. Dr. V mind fucks him without his consent (and possibly inserts an alternate past into his mind), and pretty much views him as his prize bull, including literally giving him to Woody. Woody wants a dom-top boyfriend and is forcing that on him without consideration for his wellbeing or mental state, using drugs, hypnosis, and more drugs to do so. Palumbo is using him to prove to everyone else that his methods are right, and also that he's not dumb/ they're not as smart as they think they are. The nicest guy is Brad, but he refuses to actually help in any meaningful way or to warn him about any of this. Even the "retinal scanner is a mind control" joke(?) blurs the lines and basically starts the non-stop fever dream that Strong has found himself in. Not to say this isn't a dream come true for Strong or many of the readers (myself included), but man does this guy need a hug and a pat on the back. (Its all very noir actually, and I'm curious if that's on purpose.)
Anonymous
7/22/20, 11:37 PM
i cant wait for the next part
7/22/20, 9:28 PM
> You goddamn tease. That ended way too soon. > Mwah-ha-ha-ha. <-- evil, villainous laughter Actually, Derek, thank you. You've given me an opportunity to do a WRITING 101 blurb, something I've been looking for the excuse to talk about since I've started reposting this series. In APOLLYON, I've taken a serial "trick" and structured each chapter so that the front half of the chapter deals with the cliff-hanger from the previous chapter, while the back half of the chapter sets up the next cliff-hanger. It's a "page-turning" technique that really works well. A Chapter normally has a beginning, a middle, and an end, even though it's part of a bigger work. A reader should be able to close the book at the end of a chapter and feel like they've reached a breathing point, a pause, or a change of focus. The technique I've employed -- comic book fans recognize it -- forces the reader to move forward, and there's rarely a chance to catch their breath. As you noted, it also speeds up the pace. This chapter is the same size as the others 3000-4000 words, but as we move closer and closer to the denouement, it feels like it's less.
7/22/20, 7:54 PM
most enjoyable
7/22/20, 7:04 PM
You goddamn tease. That ended way too soon.
7/22/20, 5:51 PM
-drools- SOOO HOT
Quinn
7/22/20, 5:17 PM
I wonder, were you trying to be too clever? In chapter six, Jake called the person who discovered the lamp in his worst case scenario a "weak, little, insignificant human" and it stuck out like a sore thumb to me. I honestly thought you were setting up the fact that during their brain connection moments, parts of Jafar had been slipping into Jake and vice versa. Them merging in this chapter kinda made me feel like you'd been trying to tease it out. Or am I reading too much into it?
7/22/20, 4:23 PM
I really loved this story! The ending might be a little rushed (that phone/Internet plot sounds kinda hot) but I'm really glad you didn't bait-switch Jafar out of the ending. Also, just from personal preference, it was good to see a Jake as a character who was pretty much into the domination from the start.
Anonymous
7/22/20, 3:30 PM
u really think a man from england who gets hard over every man he sees with a bit of muscle is more interestin than a genie on the way to becoming a god? k then this story started really strong but it feels like u tried to wrap everything up too quick. its like u got bored of it. i didn't like the end, but everythin leading up to it was great. Id use my wish to make you come up with a better way to finsh it.
7/22/20, 3:06 PM
Definitely need more of this series