Recent Comments

Anonymous
6/28/20, 3:15 PM
Love the premise. Wouldn't mind seeing some unpleasant urinal service worked into the story if it jives with where you're taking things :)
6/28/20, 3:02 PM
Also, this is just a matter of personal taste, but it really rubs me the wrong way when authors insert lengthy in-story justifications for what are essentially acts of mind-rape. (See: "Matt hadn’t turned them gay, instead his gifts had opened their hearts and minds to find the desirable and good in each other and to be attracted to it. In effect, they no longer had a set orientation; all caring, consenting adults were theirs to find pleasure and joy with. Although he personally had always preferred men, Matt knew all forms of responsible sex and intimacy were good for them").
6/28/20, 3:00 PM
> Also are you going to continue this scenario to where Mark cuts the hair on his head? > Ah, the perspective of twenty years later... I would absolutely include two things: one, the haircut, as you mention. I would really love to write a Samson-esque pastiche where he loses his confidence and sense of security as the hair comes off. Two, I'd definitely include a scene where Kenny fucks Mark, really dominates him, and Mark surrenders completely.
6/28/20, 2:57 PM
You're telling the story in 3rd person anyway, so it wouldn't feel too fragmented if you just gave us the story filtered through Matt's perspective at the beginning, then cut to another scene where one of Matt's slaves was recruiting his friend. That way, we could get the 3rd person narration sharing some of the friend's thoughts, as well as some of the slave's thoughts. This would also take care of the other problem I had with the story, which is that Matt is constantly telling us how happy all his slaves are (and the omniscient narration is backing him up on that). In my opinion, it works a lot better if you SHOW the slave's happiness from the slave's perspective rather than TELLING us about the slave's happiness from the master's perspective.
6/28/20, 2:57 PM
Carson/Carl will have a better sex life as the new him, not the vanilla stuff he most likely would have had
6/28/20, 2:55 PM
Also are you going to continue this scenario to where Mark cuts the hair on his head?
6/28/20, 2:54 PM
Loved it! It was amazing! Onix said to get in touch with him if we wanted to use characters from his stories, but there's no contact info... Would you consider continuing Witch Hunt: The Exercise-ist? I don't think he ever finished it, I've only ever been able to find up to chapter 3 on it and it feels so incomplete and I loved that one!
CMC
6/28/20, 2:51 PM
The sensual shave is so delightful! Honestly Mark gets a really good deal from his gift box.
6/28/20, 2:15 PM
I hope to see part 5 soon
Anonymous
6/28/20, 1:59 PM
Hypnothrill, thanks for the input. Sorry you felt let down and I can see your point. Honestly, I wasn't sure how to write multiple points-of-view without it seeming fragmented. Also, may I ask what you mean by "too sweet" and "not buying it?" I admit I tend to veer not as dark as others do on here. I might add another chapter with different perspectives, so I welcome the feedback.