Recent Comments

Anonymous
5/15/20, 7:57 PM
This was hot!!🔥🔥
Anonymous
5/15/20, 7:46 PM
Super hot story! Love the slow decent into submission. Lan breaking down Thor's barriers, not even knowing hes submitting more and more. Hope to read about Lan using Thor's size and build to please him more.
5/15/20, 7:06 PM
@Hypnothrill: I didn't like it either. To be honest, I wasn't too giddy with the second half of this entire series, as I was already checked out by chapter 5 or so. I already mentioned about how I dislike Lane as a character, but I also dislike that its HIM that gets to take down all of the major players in the series. I feel its because Lane is such a late comer into the game and not involved in the action at all that it just feels so jarring that it gets to be him that bested Todd. On top of that, Lane had been spending the past how many chapters running around and almost getting caught that it required a lot of suspension of belief to believe that he would have so many close calls. I also feel like there was a lot of events in this series that feels way too convenient and contrived just to force this ending into existence. I didn't want to express this on the comments since there are people who genuinely enjoyed this ending and I didn't want to ruin it for them, but this finale was such a slap in the face for me. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who's unsatisfied with this ending. I probably shouldn't be as affected by this as I am, but I was so fully invested in the original series that its such an insult that everything played out this way. The concept of the telepaths being used as tools would've been such a turn on for me and I was here for it, but even that was executed so badly. The mindscapes, which I repeatedly mentioned was my favorite in this series, felt half assed in the finale as well. So sorry to say that this is not your best work, Swizz. And I don't care if everything gets reversed back in the Mr. Zeiss series, I feel like the damage might be too great for me to continue on in that series. I think I'm done with the Slave Academy universe.
5/15/20, 6:12 PM
I was reading pretty quickly, so it's possible I missed some of the nuances of your story, Swizzington. But one of the things I really liked about the early chapters is how they clearly displayed Lane's character flaws. By the later chapters, however, I felt like you were stacking the deck to get us to sympathize with him and to rationalize his decision (for instance, by highlighting the trauma that Lane's father undergoes after he's freed from mind control). And you should definitely check out Topaz172's "Various Techniques" (https://mcstories.com/VariousTechniques/index.html) and its sequel "Talon's Claws" as soon as possible. It's one of the true classics of the genre!
5/15/20, 6:02 PM
So, James already know about Eunice??? Or did she just tell him today??? You make me wonder if they are already separated or something like that... it was a long wait (well not that long, but still) but it was worthy... 💙💙💙💙 love it, I can't wait for the next day chapter and how Noah will finally react tl everything that happen and learn in the last day :3
Swizzington
5/15/20, 5:51 PM
I have not read the story you referenced, Hypnothrill, but as a general rule I find stories where the guy at the top of the food chain is also under mind control/hypnotic influences to be boring and pointless. Not to say that there is anything wrong with that approach, it just doesn't do anything for me personally :-) Besides, to suggest that Lane is meant to be a "good guy" is to fundamentally misunderstand what's happening here. Better than Todd? Undoubtedly! Entirely benevolent? Obviously not.
5/15/20, 5:33 PM
I must be the only person who didn't like this ending! Don't get me wrong, I thought the story was extremely well-written, and you do a good job of foreshadowing this resolution in earlier chapters, making it seem like the logical extension of what the Lane character would want if he had total control. But I felt like the story itself was endorsing Lane's solution--keeping the population enslaved and expanding his power as a benevolent puppetmaster--as the most ethical option, and that left a bad taste in my mouth. I know that when I write a story with mass mind-control, some of my readers regard it as a utopia, but I always think of these universes as dystopias, even if my characters are programmed to enjoy their sexual compulsions and enslavement. To me, one of the few (and perhaps only) story to get the "good guy" master mind controller right is Topaz172, with his "Master Troy" character, and that's only because Troy himself is under hypnotic compulsions to be the master that his mind-controlled subjects desire. Maybe next time you write a multi-part story, I should just stop reading a chapter or two before the end--for me, all the erotic bits are in the middle anyway. But you're such a good writer, I keep wanting to read to the end despite myself. Anyway, I hope you won't take this mixed review too harshly!
Hunter_C_Wolfe@Hotmail.Com
5/15/20, 5:20 PM
How cum I never had a room mate like that in college?
5/15/20, 4:24 PM
Honestly I feel hesitant about nycboot writing an ending for The Bargain series. With him constantly proclaiming for good people to win in Swizzington's series, I have a feeling that he will write Ari'Seth's downfall, which would be a disappointing way to end the series. i personally don't like it when a different author finishes an uncompleted story since more often than not, the ghost writer ends up not staying faithful to the story itself, but thats just me. I'm not quite against with what New Guy did though, since its more of a side story that can easily be compartmentalized as opposed to directly changing the canon of Wishbone's story
Swizzington
5/15/20, 4:18 PM
Yeah, I definitely wouldn't rule out a Lane spin-off going forward. Setting that up was the main reason I started writing this sequel in the first place, in fact. But right now it's on the back burner :-)