Recent Comments

5/6/20, 3:37 PM
This is such a gratifying story. I loved the way the changes were done and we don't know more than that the mystery makes it so much more sexy.
5/6/20, 3:27 PM
I completely understand that concern, New Guy. I wanted to leave this part as more of an opening (a rather long one, haha). The next part will address some of the "incomplete" story elements here to make this story seem a bit more fleshed out. I agree that the pacing could have been slower, and will work on that for future installments. Thanks for the critiques!
5/6/20, 3:22 PM
Thank you both for your comments! Firstly, thanks for sticking it out and reading the whole piece; I really appreciate it. Secondly, I'll definitely take what you guys said into account when creating the next part. Some story elements were left vague here to be addressed in future installments, which might make things certain things seem rushed in this part. I'll take all of your critiques into account when crafting the second part. Thanks again and stay tuned!
5/6/20, 3:16 PM
I have to agree with Ken; I generally like the story but there is no real struggle on Jake and Jon's part. It's more important on Jon's part as there is a betrayal between Damien and Jon as the friends are now trying to mind control the other. It would be better to play it out and have the shock on Jon's part as he discovers that his friend has betrayed his trust as he falls under Damien's control. But please continue writing; I look forward to seeing where you take the story.
5/6/20, 1:58 PM
Thanks for the comments and reviews! I really appreciate it. It encourages me to to continue writing. The next part of will be published as a sequel to this story under another name. Most likely "The Follow Up." Once it is approved and published I will add the link here as well!
5/6/20, 1:52 PM
Hey letstrythis great story but I think you may have added the next part wrong as I cant seem to find it :)
Anonymous
5/6/20, 1:44 PM
Yeah, bro, don't stop. Great series!
Anonymous
5/6/20, 1:35 PM
Great story!!! Loved it!!!
Anonymous
5/6/20, 1:34 PM
I'm just glad villains are winning. I'm so tired of sugar-coated endings.
5/6/20, 12:31 PM
i liked your story and hope you continue it. I like the idea from above about Noah eating James ass.