Recent Comments

5/3/20, 8:37 PM
For a first erotic story, this is of an insanely high standard (and I will rate it as such) and I want to give you some extended feedback too. I loved the wrestling stuff the most. I was in heaven reading it. Good flow, really hot. The sex didn't go in a direction that interested me (and that's on *me*, thus, I will not be reflecting that in my rating). The lore of the 'static tick', and how it changes it's recipient was nice, and I liked that the hero (and by proxy the reader) experience it *before* having it explained to them explicitly, after the fact. Quibbles & things to think about; Your descriptive writing/ornamentation at the start was WAAY too flowery! You chilled the beans after a paragraph or two, and then the writing started to read like you're a natural who's been doing this for years. 8 inch dick? 10~12 inch dick? Like really? Imagining that took me out of the story. It seemed 'needlessly ludicrous'. Xavier explaining the lore behind his family could have been less explicitly, perfectly explained in long form, and more just 'commented on to Davy-boy'. We've already read/experienced it's effect on David, there's no need to hold Xavier's character to ransom in the middle of the main sex scene to explain his family's lore *that* clearly.
5/3/20, 8:14 PM
Great to hear that my advice was incorporated so quickly into the story; I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
Anonymous
5/3/20, 7:55 PM
Great introduction. I hope to hear some of those triggers used soon
Anonymous
5/3/20, 7:40 PM
Woohoo sounds good - going to be refreshing until its released
Anonymous
5/3/20, 7:16 PM
Good introduction. I hope the dad shows up again later and get played with :Q
5/3/20, 7:12 PM
Can't wait to see where this goes!
5/3/20, 6:50 PM
I wasn't given enough about why the characters were *both* straight, but *both* wound up having gay sex, on a gay porn shoot, and loved it and instantly fell passionately in love with each other. Especially Adam, who is presented as 'the experienced one'. What, is he a straight-and-married, experienced gay porn actor, who is straight? It all seemed too unnatural and raises too many questions. For a non-native speaker, your grammar and writing is better then mine. ;)
Feb 3, 2020
Anonymous
5/3/20, 6:45 PM
i really hope you continue. this was a great start with lots of potential!
5/3/20, 6:33 PM
I have changed the triggers because I agreed with *New Guy In Town*'s point about the triggers not fitting with the setting of the story. "Bad boy" has become "penalty", "Good boy" is now "Glory", "Bitch boy" has been changed into "Omega", and "Slut Boy" has been replaced by "Alpha." To make sure everyone is aware I am using a trigger I decided to use italics. If someone has any thoughts/opinions on this, I would love to hear them!